Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
The Glory Outshines the Agony
I received a wonderful email today telling me "your outlook is a real encouragement to me" I replied right away "I'm so glad my outlook is an encouragement. It's what I want. This last 6 months or so I've gotten real comfortable with my humanity and letting myself struggle and be imperfect. I want the glory to outshine the agony."
Isn't that the truth?
I want the glory to outshine the agony.
Both the glory and the agony are real. I'm be a lyin' sumbitch if I told you otherwise!
But if we let God have the last word in our lives, the glory really can outshine the agony.
Really.
(snif) (wipe tear)
Okay. Now y'all remind me this next time. M'kay?
Love,
SW
Isn't that the truth?
I want the glory to outshine the agony.
Both the glory and the agony are real. I'm be a lyin' sumbitch if I told you otherwise!
But if we let God have the last word in our lives, the glory really can outshine the agony.
Really.
(snif) (wipe tear)
Okay. Now y'all remind me this next time. M'kay?
Love,
SW
Friday, May 23, 2008
An Update
A dear reader who am i has asked for an update. WAI, you are very kind to ask.
There is a difference between integrity and discretion.
When the going gets tough, generally I don't post about it. I take care of myself and take care of my family.I have a job that I'm less than thrilled with but while I have it, I have to do the job with integrity. This is hard work. Knowing the job has a ticking expiration date makes this harder.
The issue with one of the dear children involves their school. One of the two main issues has been completely resolved. The second issue is, well they're not returning my calls. I'm going to see this one through but I have other things to take care of.
In the meantime, I've been focusing on:
- taking myself to the gym
- worshipping God to reboot my tired brain and tired heart
- calling my friends and letting them love on me
- buying myself a nice batch of on-sale lingerie
- making time for Delighted Husband to take it off.
I love starting our weekend off with a bang. ;)
I started this blog to give, and I still want to. I have so much inside I wanted to offer and I was elated to have a way to offer it. I don't want this blog to evolve into venting my diffulties. Not that there's anything wrong with that-it's the sole purpose of many blogs. I just want this blog to lift your spirits, not to be a negative drain. Since only 1 reader has commented on the job need posts, I'm thinking it's not working for the readers and WAI and I should just take our conversation offline.
There's a fine line here and I'm going to let it percolate in my heart. Because I wonder that by only posting the good outcomes some people may get the idea that going for healing and wholeness and hotness is easy. It's not. Sometimes it's fun. Sometimes it's work. Always infinitely worth it!
So....so far my strategy is to get my shit together offline and tell y'all about it later. So far, this strategy is working for me!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Window Shopping
You people are just...my readers are really wonderful.
Whoami has offered me these jumpstarter questions to get my mind turning in the right trajectory. I find them very energizing!
At some point, I may feel it appropriate to process this offline, but for now, I don't mind brainstorming here. I think it might be nurturing and supportive and good.
So here goes:
The first one is clarification- by new role do you mean at that company or a new role in life?
Neither one.
Since the division of the company that I work for is going away, so will I.
My roles in life will not change. I will still be God's beloved, Delighted Husband's friend and lover, Dear Children's Mom, my friends's friend and (somebody's) talented new teammate who does (?). Who that somebody is and what I will be collaborating on is yet to be defined. I find it very comforting to realize that my core defining roles will not change. I'm still defined by all the loving relationships in my life. I still have all the talents and skills and passions to bring to bear in my working life. More actually, after this gig. I've learned a lot and accomplished a lot here.
What I meant when I first posted "new role" was I believe my title and function will be different at my new career home. I don't want to go inhabit the same title and function at another organization. I want another title and function. I want another tribe actually.
How much does the family need the money you are earning now. Is this job or a similar paying one critical to the family finances.
We could live without my money but we'd really rather not. Delighted Husband is a wonderful provider and I am also a valued contributor.
If you could do anything you wanted to, and money wasn't an object, what would you do?
That's easy. I'd move my creative work from backstage to front-and-center. I'd have an agent actively shopping my books to publishing houses and I'd be spending 3 hours a day writing my books. I'd be spending several other hours a day working with a creative team building other deliverables like music and screenplays and video treatments. I'd have a balance of time with solitude to listen to my characters and write down what they say along with creative collaborative happy yak time with other artists and producers creating beautiful deliverables.
When you think of your options, what does each option mean to God, to others, and to you?
To God
Holistically, I think each option (without even listing them) shows a beautiful symbolic link between my heart and God's heart. That's a tall statement, so I'll tell you what I mean by that. When we take delight in the Lord, he gives us the desires of our heart. I believe that before he gives the desires to us, in the process of delighting in Him, our desires change. If I am so tuned into seeking and savoring the delight of God, then pretty much anything I desire is gonna be a good desire. If I am so bent on pleasing him and so keenly tuned into seeking his heart and offering him mine, then generally I'm not going to desire to run out and rob a bank. I trust that whatever creative longings rise up in my heart are good desires that are worth pursuing.
To Others
I believe my heart is good and that it has beauty that will bless other humans. I believe even when my heart goes off the rails and I sin, that my transparency in letting Himself heal and forgive me could also bless others. I've been very real here, very vulnerable and women's and men's hearts have been touched. You people have taught me a lot.
To Myself
This job change comes as not so much of a surprize. Once the initial shock wore off, I realized how very ready I have been for a change. Making some changes in the kind of billable work I do during the workday would mean putting myself in my native habitat full time instead of just every now and then.
Let me give you a visual.
I went to see Prince Caspian this weekend. At the end of the film, Peter Susan Edmund and Lucy are fully actively invested in their roles of kings and queens in Narnia. The going is tough, but they are in their element and that sense of being their true selves gives them the gumption to fight their battles and win. They're in their glory. In their element. Complete with comfortable beautiful royal clothes that fit them as well as their role does. And then, all the sudden they are yanked back to England and they find themselves in the middle of a noisy clangy bangy train station fully of pushypully meaningless busyness and a train taking them away to a soul-draining school they do not want to go to. The royal clothes are gone and they are once again in tight uncomfortable school uniforms and tight uncomfortable braids. In Narnia, they are their special true selves living out their calling. In England they are considered nothing special. It's not so much the tasks, it's the tasks in alignment with their true sense of identity.
You with me so far?
At the end of the film, when I saw the crestfallen looks on the character's faces, I started to weep silently. I wept for the entire screen credit music. I told Delighted Husband, "I feel like that every day. I feel like for an hour every day or so when I'm writing I get to live in Narnia and the other hours in my work day I am yanked back to England."
Spending my paid workday working on creative deliverables will mean I get to stay in Narnia all the time. Tough and beautiful days will come. But without the aching dissonance between who I really am and what I spend my day doing. That's what it would mean to me.
I'll stop there. This is a good place to stop for now. Love, SW
What have you done in the past that is in line with your passion that has worked?, that hasn't worked?
What do you want more of in life?
What do you want less of in life?
Whoami has offered me these jumpstarter questions to get my mind turning in the right trajectory. I find them very energizing!
At some point, I may feel it appropriate to process this offline, but for now, I don't mind brainstorming here. I think it might be nurturing and supportive and good.
So here goes:
The first one is clarification- by new role do you mean at that company or a new role in life?
Neither one.
Since the division of the company that I work for is going away, so will I.
My roles in life will not change. I will still be God's beloved, Delighted Husband's friend and lover, Dear Children's Mom, my friends's friend and (somebody's) talented new teammate who does (?). Who that somebody is and what I will be collaborating on is yet to be defined. I find it very comforting to realize that my core defining roles will not change. I'm still defined by all the loving relationships in my life. I still have all the talents and skills and passions to bring to bear in my working life. More actually, after this gig. I've learned a lot and accomplished a lot here.
What I meant when I first posted "new role" was I believe my title and function will be different at my new career home. I don't want to go inhabit the same title and function at another organization. I want another title and function. I want another tribe actually.
How much does the family need the money you are earning now. Is this job or a similar paying one critical to the family finances.
We could live without my money but we'd really rather not. Delighted Husband is a wonderful provider and I am also a valued contributor.
If you could do anything you wanted to, and money wasn't an object, what would you do?
That's easy. I'd move my creative work from backstage to front-and-center. I'd have an agent actively shopping my books to publishing houses and I'd be spending 3 hours a day writing my books. I'd be spending several other hours a day working with a creative team building other deliverables like music and screenplays and video treatments. I'd have a balance of time with solitude to listen to my characters and write down what they say along with creative collaborative happy yak time with other artists and producers creating beautiful deliverables.
When you think of your options, what does each option mean to God, to others, and to you?
To God
Holistically, I think each option (without even listing them) shows a beautiful symbolic link between my heart and God's heart. That's a tall statement, so I'll tell you what I mean by that. When we take delight in the Lord, he gives us the desires of our heart. I believe that before he gives the desires to us, in the process of delighting in Him, our desires change. If I am so tuned into seeking and savoring the delight of God, then pretty much anything I desire is gonna be a good desire. If I am so bent on pleasing him and so keenly tuned into seeking his heart and offering him mine, then generally I'm not going to desire to run out and rob a bank. I trust that whatever creative longings rise up in my heart are good desires that are worth pursuing.
To Others
I believe my heart is good and that it has beauty that will bless other humans. I believe even when my heart goes off the rails and I sin, that my transparency in letting Himself heal and forgive me could also bless others. I've been very real here, very vulnerable and women's and men's hearts have been touched. You people have taught me a lot.
To Myself
This job change comes as not so much of a surprize. Once the initial shock wore off, I realized how very ready I have been for a change. Making some changes in the kind of billable work I do during the workday would mean putting myself in my native habitat full time instead of just every now and then.
Let me give you a visual.
I went to see Prince Caspian this weekend. At the end of the film, Peter Susan Edmund and Lucy are fully actively invested in their roles of kings and queens in Narnia. The going is tough, but they are in their element and that sense of being their true selves gives them the gumption to fight their battles and win. They're in their glory. In their element. Complete with comfortable beautiful royal clothes that fit them as well as their role does. And then, all the sudden they are yanked back to England and they find themselves in the middle of a noisy clangy bangy train station fully of pushypully meaningless busyness and a train taking them away to a soul-draining school they do not want to go to. The royal clothes are gone and they are once again in tight uncomfortable school uniforms and tight uncomfortable braids. In Narnia, they are their special true selves living out their calling. In England they are considered nothing special. It's not so much the tasks, it's the tasks in alignment with their true sense of identity.
You with me so far?
At the end of the film, when I saw the crestfallen looks on the character's faces, I started to weep silently. I wept for the entire screen credit music. I told Delighted Husband, "I feel like that every day. I feel like for an hour every day or so when I'm writing I get to live in Narnia and the other hours in my work day I am yanked back to England."
Spending my paid workday working on creative deliverables will mean I get to stay in Narnia all the time. Tough and beautiful days will come. But without the aching dissonance between who I really am and what I spend my day doing. That's what it would mean to me.
I'll stop there. This is a good place to stop for now. Love, SW
What have you done in the past that is in line with your passion that has worked?, that hasn't worked?
What do you want more of in life?
What do you want less of in life?
When God Closes a Door He Opens a Window
Julie Andrews as Maria Von Trapp said it best: When God closes a door, He opens a window.. Well God has closed a door on this phase of my career and I'm looking forward to seeing Him open a window. Maybe He will use you to give me a thought, an idea, a suggestion.
I've just found out that the corporate powers-that-be have decided to sell off the division I have worked so hard to build. I've more than quadrupled revenue since I took over 2 years ago. There is no role for me in this divestiture, so unless I want to spend my time rearranging chairs on a ship that's going down, it's time for me to go. I'm not being pushed out the door. I can drag out my exit if I want to. I don't want to. So I'm looking for doors and windows. And before I run out and wangle a similar job at a competitor, I want to stop, look and listen.
Is is time for a new location or is it time for a new role?
I think it's time for a new role.
I really like talkin' to all of you. And I really like all of you talkin' to me. I also really like you regulars who never post but read often. A welcoming smile to you, my returning guests in North Carolina, South Carolina and Ohio. I have no idea if it's just random or if there is one of you in each state who ran out and told all your friends. That whole idea makes me smile.
The sense of community in this blog and the act of sharing my experiences to benefit women and marriages has been really rewarding for me. I wish there was a way for me to get paid to talk about love in all its forms, sex, marriage, healing, personal growth, and receiving all the joy our five senses have to offer.
So, dear readers.
Any ideas?
Love,
SW
I've just found out that the corporate powers-that-be have decided to sell off the division I have worked so hard to build. I've more than quadrupled revenue since I took over 2 years ago. There is no role for me in this divestiture, so unless I want to spend my time rearranging chairs on a ship that's going down, it's time for me to go. I'm not being pushed out the door. I can drag out my exit if I want to. I don't want to. So I'm looking for doors and windows. And before I run out and wangle a similar job at a competitor, I want to stop, look and listen.
Is is time for a new location or is it time for a new role?
I think it's time for a new role.
I really like talkin' to all of you. And I really like all of you talkin' to me. I also really like you regulars who never post but read often. A welcoming smile to you, my returning guests in North Carolina, South Carolina and Ohio. I have no idea if it's just random or if there is one of you in each state who ran out and told all your friends. That whole idea makes me smile.
The sense of community in this blog and the act of sharing my experiences to benefit women and marriages has been really rewarding for me. I wish there was a way for me to get paid to talk about love in all its forms, sex, marriage, healing, personal growth, and receiving all the joy our five senses have to offer.
So, dear readers.
Any ideas?
Love,
SW
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Please Pray
Please pray for one of the Dear Children, for Delighted Husband, and for me. Sometimes being a mom is hard work.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Tell Them You Love Them
Tonight I sat down in my favorite easy chair while Delighted Husband played Mario Kart Wii with the kids. I wanted to just be in the same room with them, so I brought my scrapbooking supplies into the gameroom and set up shop on my lap desk. I've been thinking about one of my girlfriends since she is preparing to move farrrrr away and the chances to see her sweet face in person are going to be few and far between. But I wasn't feeling sad. I was feeling loved, and loving her. Taking stock of all the ways I have grown as a person because she loved me. So I let my heart use the language of paper and pictures and scissors and ribbon and I told her how much I love her and how rich my life is because of her.
We all have people in our life who love us.
People that we love.
Tell them.
Don't hold back those tender words, those tender touches, the squeeze of their hand while you look them in the eye, that extra pat on the back when you hug them, that meal where you go to the trouble to make something beautiful, that phone call just because.
Do it.
What are you waiting for?
An invitation?
Consider yourself invited.
Love to sweet James for saying this so well.
We all have people in our life who love us.
People that we love.
Tell them.
Don't hold back those tender words, those tender touches, the squeeze of their hand while you look them in the eye, that extra pat on the back when you hug them, that meal where you go to the trouble to make something beautiful, that phone call just because.
Do it.
What are you waiting for?
An invitation?
Consider yourself invited.
Love to sweet James for saying this so well.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Sexual Redemption Stories
Our life unfolds as a story. Each life story contains darkness and light, pain and healing, suffering and redemption in glory in our own custom-blended mix. Stories really speak to me. Most any story that shows a glimpse of healing or redemption will capture my interest. Since I've been very open about my journey from fractured abuse to whole hotness, you might imagine that stories that portray sexual redemption and healing will find a special place in my heart. Yep, you're right. They do.
I've put a new list on the sidebar called Sexual Redemption Stories. These books tell the story of one human's journey from painful abuse in their past to uninhibited joy with their spouse. Sometimes this uninhibited joy is (cough) rather uninhibited. Erotic even. I feel free to celebrate this married lack of inhibition for the healing that it is, but I realize some people feel uncomfortable with stories of an erotic nature, even if the eroticism is shown in married context. I want y'all to feel inspired not uncomfortable, so I've put an *next to those story titles. I trust you will let your discerning hearts lead you as you read.
I'll say a little about each book I post, by way of introduction, when I add them to the sidebar list.
And I want to hear from you!
Have you read a story that shows a journey away from pain toward uninhibited joy in the marriage bed?
I want to read 'em! And if they speak to me, I'll put 'em on the sidebar.
Any recommendations?
Oh, I guess I should add that I'm looking for stories that have an overall tone of love and redemption where the characters treat each other with love and respect and passion. Sometimes the character's painful past can be a bumpy ride, and I'm okay with that as long as the healing part of the journey is loving, healthy, passionate, respectful and relational destination.
M'kay?
I'm so looking forward to hearing what y'all recommend!
I've put a new list on the sidebar called Sexual Redemption Stories. These books tell the story of one human's journey from painful abuse in their past to uninhibited joy with their spouse. Sometimes this uninhibited joy is (cough) rather uninhibited. Erotic even. I feel free to celebrate this married lack of inhibition for the healing that it is, but I realize some people feel uncomfortable with stories of an erotic nature, even if the eroticism is shown in married context. I want y'all to feel inspired not uncomfortable, so I've put an *next to those story titles. I trust you will let your discerning hearts lead you as you read.
I'll say a little about each book I post, by way of introduction, when I add them to the sidebar list.
And I want to hear from you!
Have you read a story that shows a journey away from pain toward uninhibited joy in the marriage bed?
I want to read 'em! And if they speak to me, I'll put 'em on the sidebar.
Any recommendations?
Oh, I guess I should add that I'm looking for stories that have an overall tone of love and redemption where the characters treat each other with love and respect and passion. Sometimes the character's painful past can be a bumpy ride, and I'm okay with that as long as the healing part of the journey is loving, healthy, passionate, respectful and relational destination.
M'kay?
I'm so looking forward to hearing what y'all recommend!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
How to Make Hot Sensuous Coffee
Sweet Jen over at Pretty Modest bemoaned the fact that her two favorite coffee shops were now unavailable so she had gone back to Mr. Coffee as a last resort. I promised her I'd share my recipe with her here. So nobody else read this! This is only for Jen! (giggle)
Tools/Ingredients
Tools/Ingredients
- Purified Water
- French Press Coffeepot
- Good Coffee Turkish Grind
(I'm giving you lots of creative license here. My thought is if it comes whole bean in a bag, you're on the right track. Pick a flavor, pour it into the grinder at the grocery store and dial that baby all the way over to Turkish. It will look like powder when it's ground.) - Half n Half real dairy as in from a cow not that corn syrup solids business
- Your favorite sweetening agent Splenda or sugar
- A can of whipped cream
Steps to Coffee Bliss:
- Put a pot of purified water on the stove to boil.
- Put two tablespoons turkish ground coffee into the French press.
- When the water boils, pour it over the coffee into the French press.
- Wait 4 minutes. If I am in a hurry, I wait just 1.
- The coffee will be dark and opaque. This is good.
- Pour the coffee into a cup and saucer if you're going for a girly girl vibe or into a big mug if you're going for broke.
- Fill the cup 2/3 full.
- Add sugar or Splenda. Be generous.
- Stir until sugar dissolves.
- Add half-n-half. Be generous.
- Put a dollop of whipped cream on top.
- Sip the coffee with a happy slurpy sound and and grin cause you've got a cream moustache!
If you're already hot under the collar, then you can pour this over crushed ice. It's strong coffee, it will stand up to ice.
Hope you enjoy it, Jen! I'll post the chillin' blend-your-way-to-heaven coffee recipe next.Monday, May 5, 2008
Meme Six Random Things
- Link to the person who tagged you.
Irim over at Out of the Frying Pan and into the Friary tagged me. She's already listed in the right navigation bar under Generous Mentions. What a gal! - Post the rules on your blog.
I hereby post these rules. - Write six random things about yourself.
- Roger Moore was the best James Bond by far.
- I really enjoy a well-crafted omelette. The nice hotel $25 per person brunch buffet kind with all manner of extravagant ingredients like tendercrisp steamed asparagus and lumb crabmeat. Nectar of the gods!
- I have discovered well into my thirties that I am a dancer...a woman who loves to dance. On the first day of my dance class I felt like I had found my tribe.
- I love to laugh and I have a very irreverent, mischievous, bawdy sense of humor.
- Peter is my favorite disciple. He's impulsive, mouthy and apt to lob off the bad guy's ear now and ask questions later. Yet, by the time Jesus got done with him, Peter was fearlessly telling everyone about Jesus' power to transform. There's hope for me yet!
- Neil Diamond is way hot. So is Bono. It's not the way they look, it's their beautiful dynamic hearts so at home in their bodies. They both give off a visible masculine energy that I respond to by grinning and blushing and focusing my considerable feminine charms on my husband as soon as possible. Neil and Bono are both living proof that sexiness doesn't have to fade with age.
- Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
- M. Lawrence at Further Up and Further In
- Cahleen at In His Footsteps
- Jen at Pretty Modest
- Jemila at Quirky Grace
- Eleutheros who doesn't have a blog but has a profile and sure does know how to use it!
- Alastair at Obscene Beauty
- Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment at their blog.
- Let your tagger know when your entry is up.
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