Sometimes the sex Delighted Husband and I share is so good that I want to shout it from the rooftops. I want to shout out, "GOD IS GOOD AND SEX IS GOOD AND THIS SEX IS REALLY GOOD AHHHHHHH"
Which I mostly do scream out in gasping little shouts in our Delightful Bedroom. And I do write little erotic memoirs in our love journal that is kept under lock and key.
But sometimes I want to "shout it out" here. In a blog post. I'm not too sure how I feel about that. Well I know how I feel and think about it. It's just that some of my thoughts and feelings conflict with each other. In no particular order, my thoughts and feelings are....
I don't want Delighted Husband to feel like he's playing to an audience when he's doing me.
I don't want my self to feel like I'm playing to an audience when I'm doing my husband.
I don't want to feel like I'm volunteering to be some Unabomber's masturbatory material.
I do want to give voice to that lump in my throat that says feeling and expressing joy is central to the human experience.
I do want to speak how truly deeply I believe that absolutely MARVELOUS sex happens in the glorious messy glue of marital commitment.
I do want to speak just a TEENY BIT of all I feel inside when a movie or television implies that indescriminate singles are having all the hot sex and married couples are just barely getting by.
I am literally so filled with satisfaction and joy that I cannot shut up about it. Except I feel that I should. Because what if someone I really care about in the regular readers of my blog feels like I'm being inappropriate?
I don't want to miss out on feeling or expressing a big joy because I'm following old screenplays from my loving, whacked, wellmeaning way legalistic upbringing.
I don't want to make any decision based a random outcropping of The Disease to Please.
If my God and my husband have given me a peaceful AOK to post it, then why do I give two hoots what anyone else thinks?
Should I get another blog for hot posts like that?
But then what kind of whacked divided life is that?
Wouldn't I be exiling my erotic self to the lowlands?
And if I did that, then what was all this recovery FOR?