Sometimes the sex Delighted Husband and I share is so good that I want to shout it from the rooftops. I want to shout out, "GOD IS GOOD AND SEX IS GOOD AND THIS SEX IS REALLY GOOD AHHHHHHH"
Which I mostly do scream out in gasping little shouts in our Delightful Bedroom. And I do write little erotic memoirs in our love journal that is kept under lock and key.
But sometimes I want to "shout it out" here. In a blog post. I'm not too sure how I feel about that. Well I know how I feel and think about it. It's just that some of my thoughts and feelings conflict with each other. In no particular order, my thoughts and feelings are....
I don't want Delighted Husband to feel like he's playing to an audience when he's doing me.
I don't want my self to feel like I'm playing to an audience when I'm doing my husband.
I don't want to feel like I'm volunteering to be some Unabomber's masturbatory material.
I do want to give voice to that lump in my throat that says feeling and expressing joy is central to the human experience.
I do want to speak how truly deeply I believe that absolutely MARVELOUS sex happens in the glorious messy glue of marital commitment.
I do want to speak just a TEENY BIT of all I feel inside when a movie or television implies that indescriminate singles are having all the hot sex and married couples are just barely getting by.
I am literally so filled with satisfaction and joy that I cannot shut up about it. Except I feel that I should. Because what if someone I really care about in the regular readers of my blog feels like I'm being inappropriate?
I don't want to miss out on feeling or expressing a big joy because I'm following old screenplays from my loving, whacked, wellmeaning way legalistic upbringing.
I don't want to make any decision based a random outcropping of The Disease to Please.
If my God and my husband have given me a peaceful AOK to post it, then why do I give two hoots what anyone else thinks?
Should I get another blog for hot posts like that?
But then what kind of whacked divided life is that?
Wouldn't I be exiling my erotic self to the lowlands?
And if I did that, then what was all this recovery FOR?
-Sensuous Wife
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4 comments:
"...then what was all this recovery FOR?"
-Sensuous Wife
Dear SW,
It was for you and your's.
You have a healed, very healthy and robust sexuality that is doing exactly what Jehovah designed it to do, fill you with joy for the pleasure you can experience.
I believe that the Eros (sex) spouses enjoy feeds the Agape (fondness and affection) each spouse feels for the other through the emotions we were designed to experience; emotions that are deeply felt for the intense pleasure of the freely given orgasms. And in response to these orgasmic pleasures that the couple experience with each other, the feelings of Agape increase so that you have the desire to engage Eros more with the one you feel this Agape for!
This cycle of bonding works best, in human sexuality, when there is a voluntary relationship of mutual and inviolate trust.
And no where else is that trust better protected than in the vows that accompany a marriage.
For marriage sets the human conscience at ease concerning Eros. Your conscience tells you, for the ceremony of marriage and for the vows of exclusivity that are spoken, that it's now OK to get naked and get it on!
Trust me, then, when I say that you are doing a very good job at sharing your delight at being set free to enjoy your sexuality uninhibited with the one person on the planet your conscience tells you is proper for you to have sex with, your husband.
There is nothing I've read in your posts that brings a challenge to the human conscience to discern if what is being posted is 'proper'.
Why? because it's always just between you and DH.
And sex between a husband and wife only is never improper in any fashion whatsoever. For your sexuality, what arouses you, is yours to share and whatever arouses the two of you is sanctified by marriage.
So, the dilemma you describe in your post comes down to sexual arousal.
Is it proper to write salacious descriptions of what you and DH actually do when doing each other (No) and then put them in a public setting for the world to read?( Hummm…)
Here are my thoughts for your consideration.
Lots and lots and lots of humans these days, because of the anonyminity of the Internet, are free to post all manner of salacious details about their sex lives, for good or bad, as far as society is concerned.
With, by and far, the largest portion of those posting embracing something illicit in their sexuality, where illicit is understood because we all have a conscience that appraises right and wrong in our common, shared sexuality.
I believe that most of the humans that do all this writing and posting do so not only because it is arousing to engage the mind for using certian words and writing graphic descriptions of sexual encounters, but, also to justify their conscience.
It’s something like saying to yourself, “If I’m not ashamed to post my adventures, then I’m not really ashamed by my adventures, even if I do feel my conscience disapproving of it after the adventure is over.”
And let’s face it, the stuff they write is sexually arousing, depending on what particular fantasies of the illicit may have emerged in your own, unique sexuality.
There is, literally, something out there for everybody and that's because there is nothing new under the sun where our sexuality is concerned.
Which is the human sexual dilemma in a nutshell; most humans find themselves drawn to something sexually illicit or forbidden, with some forbidden things being more dangerous to the conscience (and therefore, the soul) than others. (Please note that I’m not including the phenomenon known as ‘falling in love’ here). However, we also know, through our universal conscience, that marriage is what makes us free to enjoy sex. But, marriage is monogamous and exclusive by it’s very nature, as reflected in the vows exchanged during the ceremony, which rules out all illicit sex because illicit sex is, having sex with someone you’re not married to!
This, incidentally, is why Jehovah does not condemn multiple wives in the ages when such things were done. However, the Bible has little good to say about the situations such bigamous relationships created, which are given us with lots of instructional detail.
Still though, even if we can’t engage in the illicit, forbidden sex we are attracted to, because of our conscience, we do like reading about it, (or watching images of it) for the arousal it gives us, whether it's blow by blow accounts of a real adventure or a fictional account written from the imagination.
The problem then is that the cycle of Eros and Agape feeding each other, a cycle that good marriages enjoy, guilt free, is either sacrificed to the illicit, for engaging the mind sexually apart from your spouse, or else enjoined to it because your spouse accepts and enjoys depictions and descriptions of illicit sex right along with you.
The prior can actually destroy a marriage outright.
And the latter introduces guilt into what should be a guilt free cycle of Eros and Agape.
Which has its own effect on the marriage for the possibility existing that your spouse may, one day, violate the granted trust and choose the illicit over the proper.
In other words, want the illicit more than they want you.
It is a nagging thing, always present, for the mutual guilt being dealt with. The sex is great for the power of the illicit to arouse, but, with out being able to ‘trust the trust’, implicitly, there will be moments of doubt that cannot be easily dealt with.
Not really a good thing for a marriage.
So, marriage frees the conscience to enjoy sex. But most humans do have some guilt in their conscience because most have engaged in sex without a marriage ceremony to sanctify it. Which doesn't include the guilt produced from any forbidden sexual encounters they may have known.
This guilt is what makes us embarrassed about our sexuality and makes some humans feel offended for being reminded of it. Or the guilt drives them into the open with their sexuality from the desire in them to assuage the guilt by proclaiming openly that they are free from it for the proclaiming!
Then there are those who feel jealousy stemming from not being able to experience, personally, the salacious descriptions of sexuality they are reading, even of those encounters between a husband and wife.
But I discern that, in your marriage, as it will be in all good marriages, there is no need to justify a disapproving conscience after a salacious adventure with your husband because you are doing nothing to violate your conscience. You are guilt free.
And that is what I read you want to share with the world. Sex is good, better and best when it is kept in marriage, guilt free.
And in this freedom you feel a good desire to post the salacious details of your good adventures with your husband for two reasons:
You want to know if what you write can arouse desire in another human (A vindication of your writing talents).
And you want the world to know that guilt free, married sex is indeed, hot!
So, this is what I say to summarize.
The intent of your writing, so far, has not been to arouse sexual desire but to instruct and illustrate by sharing about the sexuality you share with your husband.
Till now.
Therefore know that if you do post an encounter with descriptive and salacious details, designed to arouse sexual desire, there will be those among your audience who will be offended and think you’ve crossed a line.
Most of those will be especially religious humans, who stand always at the ready to be offended as a proof to their selves of just how righteous they are.
So you may indeed loose a few for that.
But I don’t think that really bothers you.
What really, bothers you is thinking that your husband would disapprove of the world knowing the salacious details of his private times with you.
And that is where you would violate trust unless you knew for sure that he would not feel violated for your publishing to the world the details of the good sex you and he share.
In the meantime, as you consider this, know that you are doing a fine job already of conveying the goodness in your sexuality to the world. More salacious details are not necessary to convey this.
But, it would be nice, wouldn’t it, to know that you can arouse sexual desire in another human with your writing?
Be good.
Eleutheros
Hey! I just noticed that my screen name, which means ‘to be set free’ has the word eros in it! Wish I knew enough about Greek to know if that means something!
Welcome, Howard. Yes, I agree. Eleutheros gave me quite a well-thought out reply. It sparked a one on one email discussion that was very good so good that I forgot to respond to his comment here. So thanks, Howard for the reminder. I appreciate it.
and I appreciate you stopping by. and taking the time to comment! How did you happen across this blog?
As to Eleutheros' comment and well-thought advice, I have decided to continue to let Delighted Husband read and approve any posts that talk directly about our lovemaking. I want to cherish his heart in the way I talk about our loving. He knows very well how passionately I feel about sharing good news after spending years processing bad news when it comes to the topic of sex.
Thank you both for offering. Your comments are the kind that add so much to the lives of others.
eleutheros -
Just a note to say thanks for a very well-thought and nicely communicated reply here. I also think your profile is written by someone enjoying all that God gives.
Thanks,
Howard,
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