The Healing Power of Story

Some friends of mine have been praying for me.
Wow, when they pray, they pray, and stuff happens.
This is what they were praying about and I will tell you what happened.

I have a group of friends that I used to be quite close to a few years ago. Much misunderstanding and unhealthy dynamics with a few and it ended badly. Several still wanted to maintain relationship with me but I found it too painful, and made a clean break from the whole bunch. Lately, I have been encountering reminders of some of these old friends. Seemingly out of the blue. I've been having a powerful longing to reconnect yet a horror of the train wreck repeating and a knowledge that the dividing issue has never been resolved. I need wisdom and protection. If it is God that a reconciliation take place, then He must open the doors. If it is God's will that I have peace and be free from the longing for a reunion, then so be it.

I stayed awake till after midnight Monday night, thinking about each friend I have lost and receiving the same comfort from God I received right after the train wreck. Hymns really spell comfort for me. So I listened to Chris Rice's new album Peace Like a River. Over and over.

In the morning, I was exhausted. I went back to bed for a while, after seeing my family off to work and school. Then my reminder alarm went off telling me it was time to get ready for my lunch appointment.

All the sudden, it hit me: "I am missing out on a real live local opportunity to enjoy a lunch someone here invited me to because I'm all tired and sleepy because sat up till all hours of the night mooning over some lost friendships who live far away and I haven't talked to in nearly 3 years. What the heck am I doing??"

So I snapped out of it and started getting dolled up.

Now you women will understand this prolly better than you men.
Getting dolled up makes me feel good. This was not a romantic lunch date. It was my agent who I have known and worked with for years. This lunch at the restaurant of my choice was my reward for going to an interview out in the boondocks in rush hour traffic. Nice agent huh? Anyway, the point is, for me especially since I have been working at home in my no-makeup gym clothes for the last month, it was a real shot in the arm to get all dolled up in a nice outfit and go to my favorite restaurant in the Galleria district.

Once I got there, my agent showed up with my other agent (bonus!) who also works at the same talent agency. One agent is a man the other agent is a woman. Both of them love me and have been very good to me. I love them too and they know it. So we're eating these fancy salads and they ask, "so what are you working on these days?" and I said I was supervising contractors who repair my house after the hurricane, I was working with a literary agent, and I was writing content and doing project management on a new online retail website. (wink wink y'all know what that website is!)

So they were very loving and encouraging asking me about the literary agent first. They have both known for quite a while that I write novels. Then they said "so tell me about this website". So I told them it was my first time to do the project manager role for new websites instead of the writer role. I explained the stuff I've learned about keeping track of who's doing what and who's waiting for who. The developer has to code so and so before the writer can write such and such.

I'm keeping it all cool and professional. Like I'm talking about just another gig.

Then God said, "tell them the whole story".

So I did.

I started off by saying "this project has been rewarding for a "pay it forward" kind of reason. This project is giving me the chance to combine my hobby and my work."

"Oh really?? That's wonderful! Tell us about it!"

I did not blurt out, "I sell sex toys".

I said, "I had some really bad things happen to me in my childhood. And you know what, I took myself in, sat myself down in the chair, paid my $95 an hour and I dealt with my stuff. And I reached a point where my therapist said, "You're like the poster child for sexual abuse recovery. You should totally write a book." and I said "yes!". I knew from my writing career how long the book writing process was, and I wanted to strike while the iron was hot and get my story out there while I had the nerve, so I started a blog.

They made encouraging sounds, so I continued.

"The cool thing about a blog, is you have a thought, you push send and bam its out there for the world. No query letters. No endless book critique groups. You have a thought. You type it out. You press send. Bam. You're done.

Now, when I first started my blog, I didn't know anything about blogging. I didn't know anything about stats. I was sure that
A) no one was reading this and
B) if they did read it, I would be tarred and feathered.
But you know what? I still found great power and consolation in telling my story. By speaking out. Even though I thought I was speaking out in an empty room, I was speaking. And it felt good to tell my story. It felt real good.

I sat there at the marble topped table of this beautiful restaurant and rested in their gaze. These two lovely human beings were giving me their full attention. Oxygen for the storyteller's soul.

Several months later, somebody told me about stats and I started tracking visitors. And I discovered that people were reading my story. Lots of people. And they were telling other people to come and read it. (open mouthed wide eyed look of amazement) That was a year and a half ago.

How many people? My agent asked. And I told him how many thousands of you dear people come here and read my story. The agents made happy sounds. I felt the same good overwhelming feeling I always feel every time I think of you dear men and women showing up here and reading what I have to say. Y'all have no idea how precious you really are.

I quickly added, "But here's the best part. I get these emails. Women from all over the world write me and say, "I read your story, and it took me 6 times to read it all the way through cause I kept crying. But I did read the whole thing. And I knew it was my time for healing. So I went for counseling, and that was several months ago, and my marriage is doing so much better." Oh my God, you guys, can there be anything better than that?

I just about cried to think of it, I felt so bowled over.

So over the next couple of years, I began to mentor wives, to mentor couples and it was very common for them to ask me for recommendations for toys and accessories.

I glanced up quickly. Neither agent spewed tea out of their mouth or looked like they needed a defibrillator. Good sign.

So most of these couples were dealing with some amount of sexual abuse or sexual addiction issues. So I was very protective of these women. Because I know from my own experience, that the vibe the feel the atmosphere of some of these toy stores made me feel a little uncomfortable. And my concern was that one of these women who had reached a place of healing in her life and was ready to be brave and do something a little spicy for her marriage, might shop at a store that she felt uncomfortable with, and then she might say, "Oh I tried that it wasn't for me." and then she might give up.

"Oh just when she's going for it in her marriage"....they said sympathetically

I nodded. "Yes."

So one time a husband asked me to recommend a store that would be sensitive to his needs as someone recovering from sexual addiction issues, I said, "you know what, I've been an authorized reseller for quite some time, but I haven't done much with it. Now that I know my job is going to be coming to an end, maybe now is the right time to start a store. Let's think about it pray about it see what develops"

In less than 24 hours, I started getting emails with orders. Now I don't even have a store at this point, I'm just thinking about it and I'm getting orders.

The next day, this wonderful couple that own a professional web development company talked with me and offered to help me. They said, "we think what you're doing is a ministry and we want to help you." I opened my mouth and said "Yes! I accept!" Another friend said they wished they could help if they didn't live several states away. I told her, "you don't have to live here to help. Be my virtual assistant." So this team of wonderful people just grew up organically around me!

I am smiling. The agents are smiling. They're totally tracking with me. This feels so good!

This has been a real challenge to me as a writer. And fun! On one hand, it's easy because I'm writing from my heart. How many branding campaigns have I written? I've lost count. The branding campaign for this site I wrote in 48 hours. It wrote itself. And it was fun! And funny! And playful!

They smile. I smile. My professional and personal worlds are colliding and it feels so good!

Some of the writing has been challenging. On one hand, as a writer, I have to write about the products in a favorable way. On the other hand, as a woman who has been in recovery for 16 years, I have to write about these products in a way that shows sensitivity and compassion for those who are struggling with abuse or addiction issues. So I really wrote from my heart. And I came up with a solution. I put the Liberator Black Label products in their own section of the store, and in the welcome message for that section, I wrote: "This is not for everyone. Take what you like and leave the rest. If you've reached a place in your recovery that you're ready to say, "hold still honey, you're gonna love this!" then welcome to this section of our store."

Agent says, "You did not say that!"

I grinned. "Yes, I did."

Agent says, "Oh that's fabulous!" and we both laugh. I feel amazing!

The agents prepare to leave for a meeting. It's a cordial goodbye, and more than that, I feel like something has shifted inside my heart.

So you can see why (mutual friend other agent) says "This is the coolest thing I wish you could put on your resume!"

I'm grinning. Sharing an inside joke.

Agent is dead serious.
"You may feel differently about that someday. I think what you're doing is amazing."

After they leave, I stand there next to our table and take stock of this feeling in my heart. I feel a thrill and a nervous tingling inside my chest. But it isn't fear. It's energy. It's excitement. It's power.
Power?
And then it all makes perfect sense.
During the early years of my recovery, I told my story, the sad story of my abuse. Sitting there on folding chairs in support group meetings, I told my story. And every time I told my story, I felt stronger. And here I am today, on the flip side. Telling my story, the happy story of my healing and my business. Sitting there on a cushy banquette in a good restaurant, I told my story to my real life friends who have known me and worked with me for years. And I feel stronger. Much much stronger.

This is the Healing and the Power of telling my Story. Wow.

Orgasms are great for pain relief

I sprained my ankle last Friday, on the very day we were preparing to go out of town to a conference/family getaway on Labor Day weekend. Delighted Husband hadn't been home ten minutes when he asked with concern how my ankle was feeling, I gave him a mischievous grin and said, "You know honey, orgasms are good for pain relief". And they were! By lifting my pelvis up with our Liberator wedge, it was easy to keep my knees and ankles up out of the way. By the time we were done, I forgot I even HAD an ankle. Much less a sprained one.

When I talk about our slogan "promoting pleasure for wives and the husbands who love them", sometimes people assume it's all about wild nights hanging from the chandelier. While special amazing nights and afternoons do happen, I think it's more important to redeem almost-missed opportunities when headaches or sprained ankles could keep you from having great sex, but they don't.

I had forgotten about this story even though it only happened a week ago. (What can I say? Sometimes I have a short attention span!) But I was reminded of this lovely pain-relieving event when my friend Shannon shared her story on Facebook talking about how an orgasm with her husband made her headache go away. She asked if anyone had had a similar experience, and I thought with a grin, "Yeah, I have!" so I shared my story. Sometimes we need to be reminded of our own good stories. Sometimes we need the spark of an idea to remind us to reclaim good things that have been brought into our lives and to remember them with gratitude. In our often crazy, bumpy road world, it's so important to cling to what is good and to smile at a happy memory. So often, a friend helps me do this.

I'm so thankful for community. There is this marvelous dynamic of 1+1=3 when we share our hearts with another. Yesterday, I prayed about a situation nearly all day and the big turnaround came when I called my girlfriends and prayed together. Today as I read my friend Shannon share her story, it brought to mind stories of my own that I needed to be reminded of. Yes we have to own our own heart and take care of it. Some personal choices mean the world to us. Yet, as the same time, when listening to other people share their story evokes something in our own heart, they are influencing us for greater good. I've been noticing this dynamic a lot lately. Sending out my love and thanks to Cristin and Sue and Shannon. The way you offered your heart yesterday made me a better woman.
Mwah!
Shula

Love is the most important ingredient

Y'all know how much I love to cook. To me, cooking is edible art. And love is the most important ingredient.

We have some dear friends we have not seen in months, almost a year, even though they live 45 minutes away. We had planned and rescheduled several times to have them over and finally made plans for them to come share a meal at our home today. When I invited our friends this third time, I had no idea that my presence would be required in Corporate America today.

Delighted Husband picked up some Boston Market drivethru and set the table. Our friends who had offered to bring dessert, picked up some brownies from a grocery store bakery and a carton of ice cream. We ate as soon as I got home.

And you know what, y'all? It was a delightful meal. It wasn't the food. The food was was alright, but I was mostly too tired to eat. It was the love.

Touch-Beauty-Love

I had the hardest time thinking of a title for this one so I'll just tell my story and see if a title presents itself.

I sang on the way home from work today. Happy songs. Thrumming beat that felt like joy. I sang angel of harlem and i sang it just for a friend of mine who I know loves this song. Zooming down the freeway, I moved my arms like a forties USO torch singer and enjoyed myself so much.

As soon as I got home, I ran in the house to kiss Delighted Husband and then dashed off to my neighborhood salon. I love the lady who owns the salon and she loves me back. Which is why I felt comfortable dashing in unannounced and asking for an impromptu do. "Five minutes, no problem" she said.

I sat down in her chair, swigged my icy cold bottled water, savored my atkins almond joy, and waited. Within five minutes, I felt her comb sliding along my scalp, giving her a good look at just how long it had been since I'd taken my sweet self in for scheduled maintenance. It had been too long. But life happens. "He-looo. You no been here long time. I so happy see you. You want same? Same roots? Same highlights?" "Yes, darlin'," I told her, "same is great. same is perfect. give me same."

She knows I am hot-natured, and I had been dashing into my house and out of my house, pausing just long enough to kiss Delighted Husband hello, kiss Delighted Husband goodbye, and change out of my fancy work duds into some running shorts and a t-shirt that I wear to the salon because I wouldn't care if they got hair color gel on them. She'd seen me literally jog into her salon and ask her if she could do me, so she knew I was hot. My sweet hair lady, brought a fan over to my station, a nice tall pedestal fan that swishes back and forth, planted it right in front of my chair, aimed it at my flushed and sweating-at-the-temples face, and turned the fan on high. Maker of Heaven and Earth, did that feel good! "Thank you sweetheart!" I looked at her with a smile that reached my eyes.

She ran back "behind the curtain" which could be a post unto itself. It's so Wizard of Oz how the Sacred Prophets Of Hair dissapear Behind The Curtain into The Sacred Unseen Place and come back bearing the Sacred Oils Of Transforming Power and Beauty. Looking at it like a sociologist, I feel like I woke up in the Egyptian exhibit at a museum. And who wouldn't want to feel like that?

I was touched by what came next. Happy and wired and rushed as I was, having just dashed in from the 95 degree outside world, I was hyperaware of my skin, my hair and my overall awareness of touch. Which is why the Sacred Oils of Transforming Power and Beauty, which for me were a cold white gelpaste that she paints on the roots of my hair. Oh my God, y'all it felt SO GOOD. My sweet hair lady brushed cold paste all over my scalp.

the power of intent. I felt how much love and care was in her touch. You can tell.

Remember that "kids say the wisest things" email that circulated a few years ago where the little 8 year old girl says, "never let your mom brush your hair when she is mad at your dad". Remember that? Well, the exact opposite is true. When my Sweet Hair Lady works on my hair, I can tell that she cares. Not just cares about doing a good job but cares about me. She enjoys watching me feel better.

Delighted Husband and Beloved Child are hungry. And we can't go to dinner till my hair is done and I get home to pick them up, so I tell Sweet Hair Lady this and ask her for a second dryer and round brush so I can help. I dry and style the front of my hair, SHL dries and styles the back. We look like a sitcom. Two laughing girls trying to hurry my hair dry as soon as possible.

By the time she is done, I feel like the belle of the ball. Sweet Hair Lady's mother, who also works at the salon, speaks very little English. But her smile is genuine. "You look like movie star!". I smile back and toss my head. "I feel like movie star!" I say. I leave them an extra big tip and rush out the door.

Please Pray

Please pray for one of the Dear Children, for Delighted Husband, and for me. Sometimes being a mom is hard work.

Tell Them You Love Them

Tonight I sat down in my favorite easy chair while Delighted Husband played Mario Kart Wii with the kids. I wanted to just be in the same room with them, so I brought my scrapbooking supplies into the gameroom and set up shop on my lap desk. I've been thinking about one of my girlfriends since she is preparing to move farrrrr away and the chances to see her sweet face in person are going to be few and far between. But I wasn't feeling sad. I was feeling loved, and loving her. Taking stock of all the ways I have grown as a person because she loved me. So I let my heart use the language of paper and pictures and scissors and ribbon and I told her how much I love her and how rich my life is because of her.

We all have people in our life who love us.
People that we love.
Tell them.

Don't hold back those tender words, those tender touches, the squeeze of their hand while you look them in the eye, that extra pat on the back when you hug them, that meal where you go to the trouble to make something beautiful, that phone call just because.

Do it.
What are you waiting for?
An invitation?
Consider yourself invited.

Love to sweet James for saying this so well.

I want him

I had a really good week. And the only thing different about this good week and last week terrible week was I scheduled a little time for myself each day, doing nice things for myself. I met one of my girlfriends for lunch. More than once this week! I took myself in for some scheduled maintenance at the salon. I took myself to the gym to sweat out my frustration over various vendor-created headaches. I'm telling you, this exercise-as-stress-relief thing REALLY works!

All the daily irritations of life still happened, but they didn't dominate my thinking or tank my attitude. All because I made time for taking care of myself.

And as a result, I'm entering this weekend, happy and horny instead of tired and grouchy.

In fact, I can't wait to get my hands on my man!
(grin) The weather round here is happy and horny!
(grin) (wave)
I'm putting nice clean sheets on the bed knowing full well I'll need to switch them again on Monday.
I don't mind at all.
;)

Warmth and Light

it's been more clear to me lately how important it is for me to shine my radiance and feel the light and warmth inside. And it's become increasingly clear how I can't make it happen by myself. All the radiance I ever shine, all the warmth and light I feel and share isn't my radiance at all. It's on permanent loan from God, I just have to renew my subscription. Check in and charge up.

And quite often the charging up I receive comes from people in my life.

But, and this is SO subtle, sometimes there can be this tiny or big shift in my heart and I start to look to the people in my life as if they are the source all feelgoodness or okayness or validation instead of perhaps being a frequent messenger from Himself. So I start to look to them instead of Himself and of course I am disspointed. What human—glorious and frail we may be—can compare with Himself?

So I start to feel cold and stung and dissapointed.

When the silent seismic shift took place in my own heart. It is my deal.

Then I remember this familiar ache and by the loving prompting of Spirit, I remember "hmmm, the last time I felt this achy sawdust in my heart it was because I turned one of the people that I love into an idol."

Ohhhhhhh

Then I bump Himself back to the head of the line where he belongs as primary lover in my life. And then all the other ones who love me look so precious and appealing and new. And I feel that borrowed radiance shining inside me again. Subscription renewed. Shine on!

and beloved Sara Groves said it better than I ever could, so I'll leave you with her sweet voice and haunting words.

I am the moon with no light of my own
still you have made me to shine
and as I glow in this cold dark night
I know I cannot be a light unless I turn my face to you

cause everywhere you are is warmth and light

Oh! It happens every time! Everytime I feel all alive and full of warmth and light, there are two things I want to do right away. I want to sing to Himself then I want to make love to Delighted Husband. Spread that warmth and light all over his dear self! ;)

Love y'all.
Have a good weekend!
-SW

Savor the Love, Scrap the Joy

I get tremendous joy from making things, the hands-on creative craftyness just thrills my soul. Cooking does this for me, the art of mixing different ingredients and the end result is I have created something of beauty.

I'm creating something of beauty in a different art form lately. Scrapbooking!

Several of my friends sent me emails or notes telling me how special I was to them and just what I meant to them. Of course, anytime something like this happens is a big deal and something to be savored. Well I'm learning how to savor it. How to feel the love longer than the 3 seconds it takes to say "awww! how sweet!" and give your friend a hug.

I do this by scrapbooking.

I take every sweet note my husband or friends give me and use them as raw material for a scrapbook page. That way, I have the card in an accessible form, an easily flipped page in a book instead of a card that will likely get lost in a dusty drawer somewhere.

But.
But.

Even better. By looking at the note, and taking my time to select a page and cutting out the note text and gluing it to a background cardstock in a coordinating color and then selecting all the fun doodads to glue or hammer on, I am soaking in the love, reading their words over and over. Looking at the picture of my friend and I. Savoring the memory.

Did I say hammer?
Yes I did!
Have you ever seen those cool little things?
They have little child-sized hammers that you use to punch a hole in the paper and them pound a cute little colorful metal thumbtack looking thing called an eyelet into the page. I never thought at my age, a thirtysomething wife and mom and wayyy girly-girl that I would enjoy SO MUCH the BAM BAM BAM BAM of using a hammer. Delighted Husband just looks over at me and grins. He can't believe it either.

It's just SO FUN to build stuff!
God, I love being human.

Stay Sensuous

A dear friend of mine closed our conversation with those words.
and you know what?
He was absolutely right.

It's so easy to get caught up in the cares of this life and forget to stay sensuous and deliberately remain alive to pleasure.

One of the things that really inspires me to keep the home fires simmering is to read stories from another wife who is enthusiastically enjoying her husband. And just such a wife shared her story and I was inspired. Please allow me to introduce my new friend Gemma. She's wayyy in love with her husband, Gemma's Ravisher, and she's not ashamed to talk about it. I admire her candor and her passion for her husband and her God. Now, dearies, if frank sexy talk offends you, then perhaps Gemma's not your cup of tea. The rest of you, enjoy! I think Gemma poses an excellent question, "Why do spouses allow the busyness of life to take priority over their sex lives? Would someone please give me a good reason "why"??? What could be more important than tending to our passion for each other?"
Last night Delighted Husband and did a little something about that. Okay a big something. Okay, a shagfest. He was a little surprized at my fervor since it had only been a few days but for me a few days with nary a sexual thought or twinge of desire is an ETERNITY. But we're all back on track. I squirm just remembering. (ooooh)

God is good. Giving me the little nudge in the right direction. He knows what I need better than I do. And what I needed was several doses of Delighted Husband Love.

Loving Your Man

It touches my heart when I come across a story of a wife loving her man with all her heart and engaging him on every level. This story of intimate friendship and sweet companionship is a real keeper. My favorite quote: "Love expands. Every time I think I love him as much as I can, I learn that I'm wrong."

God bless you, Gluten-Free Girl and Chef. Keep on living and loving sensuously! -SW

There's so much love in the world

There's so much love in the world.
Yesterday I sat cuddled into an overstuffed sofa in a living room with 4 of my favorite girlfriends. We had been meeting together for lunch on Wednesdays saving the day for each other and for ourselves, and we were taking a break for Christmas. Knowing we wouldn't see each other for a few weeks we took the time to take inventory. Each woman thought back over the last few months and took inventory of her heart and her life and paid attention to what changes had taken place since we started getting together regularly to pray for and love on each other. We were all beautifully surprized.
I certainly was.
Here is what I learned:
Life is not either/or. It's both/and.
I used to think that people were either one or the other. Either needy and falling apart at the seams or confident and having all your shit together having come thorugh life unscathed. I know it sounds ridiculous and extreme to say it so plainly. But in my heart, that is what I really believed. In order to have something to offer, I had to have it all together and travel through life unscathed. and you and I both know that is not the way I've traveled!
But I've learned a bigger truth.
I've seen firsthand women come as they are and have something beautiful to offer every time. Whether it's a beautiful need expressed in humble honesty. Or a beautiful comfort that is a joy for them to offer.
Paul, that old stinker, figured this out lonnnnng ago.
He put it this way, "We hold this treasure in earthen jars to show that the power is beyond ourselves cause it belongs to God."
What a beautiful relief!
I am a verrrry earthy vessel. (as y'all know)
and I carry within me a verrrrry gorgeous pricey treasure.
It's both/and.
Woo-Hoo!!
:) SW