Sunday, May 31, 2009

Five sexy things about me, a meme

The incomparable Kyra over at Last Refuge of the Lonely Housewife has tagged me for a meme. Good timing darlin', it's about time I did a little gratitude attagirl inventory.

Five Sexy Things About Me
  1. I feel sexy deep down in my feminine heart The sexiest thing about me is I embrace my feminine heart and believe deep down that it is not a sin to be human sexual being. I'd even go so far as to say my feminine sexual heart is a very good thing. What does my feminine heart look like? My feminine heart knows I am strong yet content to rest in the strength of a man. I am very comfortable letting a man be good at what he does, offer his unique talents, and be himself without my trying to compete with him. I am very secure in my strength and I know that my feminine strength looks and acts and smells and tastes very different than masculine strength. Because I know that I am just as strong but in a different way than a man is strong, I can delight in and savor how delightfully other, delightfully different his masculine strength is from mine. My feminine strength has displayed itself when my man's heart was beat up by the world and I seduced him, drew him in to my softness, affirmed him, loved him reminded him who he was and who his God was. When I was done with him, he didn't know what hit him! But he knew it was very good and sweet and nourishing! Hah! (twinkly eyed victorious smile). Strong, nurturing, seductive, beautiful, and good. That's my heart.
  2. My breasts
    I like my body. I have a lot of gratitude for the figure that God and my mama conspired to give me. And yes, they're real. I enjoy my feminine shape, and I have found a happy medium that works for me. I don't hide in my clothes nor are my outfits rock star tight. I have been known to display some festive holiday cleavage at a company Christmas party. If you handle them right (smiling biting lower lip) breasts can give a husband and wife a great deal of pleasure. How do I know? I just know. A word about breasts, take care of them. My mama is a breast cancer survivor and she is alive today because she was and is very proactive about her health. Girls, take care of your girls. I am so proud of the example my mama gave me about embracing and owning your sexuality and making self care a priority when she went through several reconstructive surgeries to restore her feminine shape after cancer. She's as gorgeous as ever and in her own strong way she taught me that life with breasts was preferred to life without breasts. Don't get me wrong, when it comes to cancer, surviving is the priority. But since liking your body is #2 on this list, I believe feeling sexy in your own skin and liking your body is very important. I like the way my breasts look and feel, and I enjoy being a woman. I think the fact that my breasts can look good, feel good and at one time also nourished a child is sexy as allgetout.
  3. My eyes
    Eye contact is one of the sexiest things God ever made, in my humble opinion. Eyes open orgasms are also not to be missed. If you wanna know what I'm talking about, read Passionate Marriage. Being wrapped in an intimate embrace with the sweet light shining in your eyes is one of life's sweetest moments. Sweetness, seduction, joy, sorrow, compassion, eroticism, delight are all there in my eyes on any given day. Sexy? (nodding thoughtfully) Yeah, I think so.
  4. My hands
    I am such a girly-girl and it really shows in my hands. I get my nails done at the salon and the fresh, girly look of a French manicure makes me look and feel very sexy. I also, well, I, that is to say, er, hands are very talented. (cough) (grin) (blush)
    Aaand in other ways. (grin) By cooking a beautiful meal, holding the hand of someone I love, or writing this article, my hands express my sexy feminine spirit to my world.
  5. My generous heart
    I know there are two heart ones on the list, but there are two aspects of the heart that I want to highlight. Whether in the bedroom or the boardroom, in the kitchen or in the living room, I believe generosity is the way to go. It's just my nature to be generous. I don't know how else to describe it except to say there is much pleasure to be found in offering yourself with generosity.
Okay darlings. That was time well spent. The last few months have been quite a strain on me and it was important that I remember and affirm some good things about myself. Thank you for indulging me, dear readers, and thank you for affirming me by inviting me, beloved Kyra.

To whom should I pay it forward?
Cori, at My Heart His Heart
Alise, at Big Mama's Blog
Gemma, at Passion Within Marriage
Memes are fun because they help create a sense of community, so let the good folks who read your post know who tagged you for this meme by posting a link and please post a comment here when your post it up. Y'all enjoy!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Shula's Steamy Spicy Seafood Bisque

This bisque is high in protein and low in carbs which increases your levels of dopamine and lowers your levels of serotonin, so it's perfect for The Orgasmic Diet. Shellfish is known to be a libido enhancer, and anything hot and steamy and spicy is sure to get you thinking in a steamy spicy direction. So, it's good for your libido and tastes fabulous. Let's get started~

  • 6 stalks celery including leaves
  • 2 large onions (Texas 1015 sweet onions preferred)
  • 1 Tablespoon minced garlic (the kind from the jar is easier)
  • 6 cups white wine (I use Pinot Grigio but Chardonnay or even Cafe Zinfandel will do in a pinch)
  • 2 6oz cans tomato paste
  • 1 Tablespoon Tony Chachere's Creole seasoning
  • 1 quart heavy cream
  • 2 8oz package crab-flavored surimi
  • 2 12oz packages crawfish tails
  • 1 pound peeled tailed shrimp
  • 12 cups vegetable broth (bouillon works fine)
  • 1/4 cup dried parsley
  • extra virgin olive oil
  • 2 Tbsp corn starch
Trim and chop vegetables and place in bowl. Place a large stockpot over medium heat, add up to 3/4 cup olive oil. Allow stockpot and olive oil to warm. Add celery. Stir every 3-4 minutes, cover and allow to soften. When celery yields slightly to pressure from spoon, add onions. Stir. You may need to add the rest of the olive oil at this time. Cover and allow to soften, stirring every 4-5 minutes. When celery yields easily to pressure from spoon, vegetables are tender enough and it's time to add the liquids. You'll also notice that a small amount of vegetable juices is condensing at the bottom of the pot. Add the wine and tomato paste. Stir. Add the broth and Tony's seasoning. Cover and bring to a gentle simmering boil.

Before adding the seafood, we want to puree some of the vegetables and add the cream to make the bisque thicker and the trademark bisque color. Most of the vegetables will be at the top. Use a measuring cup to scoop out about half of the vegetables and broth and place in a mixing bowl. Leave about 1/4 to 1/2 the vegetables to give the bisque a thicker texture. Once you scoop out the vegetables from the stockpot, add the seafood and let it cook while you blend the vegetables.

Gently scoop the vegetables and broth into the blender. Be careful! It's hot. Add the cream and puree in the blender. While the blender is going, very carefully and slowly add the corn starch. Once pureed, return the now pink bisque colored blend to the stockpot and stir gently. Add the parsley, stir and simmer on low heat.

Serve with hot buttered sourdough toast. This bisque reheats beautifully and freezes well also. I made a double batch to inaugurate my new big stainless steel stockpot. Feel free to half the recipe if you like.


Sunday, May 24, 2009


Darlings, I have waited several months until I felt free to speak. Y'all know I have been in grief since January and now I can tell you what I have been grieving. I have been grieving the loss of my marriage.

(waiting for the collective gasp of shock)

I know darlings, I know. I was shocked too. If someone would have told me Delighted Husband would ever have sex with another woman, I would have told them they were out of their mind, that my husband would never do that. My agony and grief cannot be adequately put into words. But I am 5 months into the grieving process and denial, anger, bargaining, sadness are giving way to acceptance. My marriage to Delighted Husband is over. I'm not sure what else to call him but calling him Delighted Husband feels inappropriate. Until another name presents itself, I'll call him Ex.

I want to have no hatred. I made up my mind in the moments just after he told me the news. In the midst of the clean pain, a good decision welled up in my heart. I decided I would not throw away my tenderness, that my heart would remain tender and beautiful and not be overrun with bitterness and hate. I thank God for that choice for it has served me well. I will not allow hatred or revenge to choke out my sexuality and to remove my capacity for joy.

I decided to go ahead with opening my store and continue my blog. My heart and my story did not cease to exist with the end of my marriage. Can I act from the generosity of spirit required to operate a store that promotes great married sex and helps couples enjoy something I can't enjoy right now? Yes, I can. My experience of betrayal and loss has strengthened my resolve to promote healthy sex as a beautiful alternative to adultery. I have experienced the joy and healing power of healthy sex and the horror and grief when sex goes off the rails, and I haven't thrown out my lingerie, my toys, or my feminine energy. I still believe.

My parents have been married more than 40 years. That's my normal. That's how I was raised. That's what I want. In my deep heart, I believe I will someday marry again.

I will survive. And then I will thrive. I've done that before. But you know that already, don't you darlings?
Lots of love,

Friday, May 15, 2009

Sacred Naked

Sacred Naked-the spiritual side of pair bonding.

Sacred Naked is a phrase I've been using for years to describe pair bonding in an attitude of love, connectedness and gratitude toward God and gratitude toward your spouse. This sense of bonding and oneness is sometimes celebratory playful and erotic, sometimes gentle and tender, but always with a sense of bonding, oneness and togetherness. Pair bonding with a spiritual twist.

What does the Sacred Naked look like?
  • Cuddling naked while listening to music or watching TV
    Any time you're together alone is a prime opportunity to pair bond. Even if you're not involved in active sex play, maximize every opportunity to get skin-to-skin.
  • Cuddling naked while talking
    Connecting skin-to-skin makes it easier to share your feelings and can really bolster your courage when you want to talk about a subject you feel hesitant to discuss.
  • Being playful in the shower
    with the wife's soapy breasts pressed against her husband's back. This can feel nurturing and gentle or feel like an erotic boost if she reaches around and pleasures him with her hands.
  • Furtive urgent intercourse
    when the husband comes home for a nooner during lunch. One husband shared his story where his wife sent him a text message saying "come home now I need you". He arrived home to find his wife standing naked on the stairs saying, "let's go, I'm already ready for you."
  • Getting ready
    Many wives have shared with me that they prepare themselves to make love to their husbands by giving themselves a clitoral orgasm while anticipating his arrival. Having a clitoral orgasm prior to intercourse can make the gspot much more receptive to pleasure during quickie intercourse. Perfect for a quickie where the husband reaches orgasm quickly.
  • Pair bonding with God
    Have you ever considered that God created you a sexual being and that he wants you to embrace your sexuality with gratitude? This truth came home to me on a sunny day at the beach where my husband and I had found a secluded spot in between the dunes to spread our Liberator throe blanket. I stretched out to bask in the sun while my husband went for a swim. I could not see the ocean nor could anyone who happened across this deserted stretch of beach see me. I had total privacy just me and God. The sounds of the ocean were delightful, and the sun was so warm on my skin and the ocean breezes so delicious that I soon disrobed to enjoy it fully. I soaked in the pleasure from my senses and sent out my love and gratitude to God. It was one of the most beautiful spiritual and erotic moments of my life. Truly a Sacred Naked moment pair bonding with God enjoying the splendor and beauty of creation and the gift of touch he has given me. I wasn't fantasizing about another man, I was simply "hanging with my body and enjoying the sensations" as sobriety expert Dr. Doug Weiss from describes healthy self-pleasuring for women. To honor his privacy, I won't mention my husband's response when he came back from a swim to find his wife bathed in light and immersed in pleasure. But I smile at the memory. I'm willing to bet he does too.
  • When you're too tired
    When you're too tired for full on aerobic intercourse, you can always enjoy the Sacred Naked. Don't deny your spirit or your body the chance to bond with your mate just because you happen to be tired. Go ahead and cuddle naked. Give yourself permission to respond or not respond. Your body may surprise you and decide it has energy for sex after all!
  • Make a choice
    to make the most of every opportunity to enjoy the Sacred Naked. You'll be surprised how many Sacred Naked opportunities open up on the path before you. It's almost as if a benevolent God wants you to enjoy your mate and enjoy your body. (biting lip and smiling)
Love, Shula