I learn so much—such spiritual insight is revealed in the process of gift-giving.
When I bought the gift, I imagined the person's needs and desires and picked something that would meet a need or want or bless them unexpectedly in some way. All I wanted was for them to enjoy it and feel my love for them in their enjoyment.
I found people's different reactions to my gifts very poignant. Very telling.
One gift recipient gave me a look of annoyance and said, "I thought we talked about this and agreed we weren't going to do this." I gave them something beautiful and they chided me. It hurt. Not as much as you might think, but it hurt. I was mostly sad and more than a bit mystified by the worldview that sees a gift given generously with a heart of love as a chideable offense. What kind of person sees love and grows indignant?
Then there's this reaction.
I gave my favorite old school technophobe her first mp3 player loaded with every album of her favorite artist. She smiled shyly, and said, "You'll have to teach me how to use it" as she began to push buttons with random curiosity. But as soon as the earphones were in her ears and she heard the music, she blissed out right there in the midst of the noisy gameroom. A freight train could have driven by the sofa and she would have paid no attention. Her sister smiled and commented to me, "I think you can consider this a hit."
My favorite response was the child who couldn't get the pom-poms I gave her out of the box fast enough. She ran the box over to her Daddy for him to manhandle the box. Once she had the pom-poms out of the box, she put on a little show for us right there in the living room. Not that she was trying to impress us. No. She was just so unashamed and uninhibited in her joy that she didn't mind if we saw her and if we wanted to laugh with delight or applaud, well that was fine too.
Typing this post today, it is more pregnant with meaning than it was when I scribbled the gist of the post the day after Christmas. Especially in the light of the questions I just raised in my last post. Because I see the heart of God so clearly in these words, "All I wanted was for them to enjoy it and feel my love for them in their enjoyment." God has given me two marvelous gifts. The gift to perceive and experience erotic love with my husband. And the gift to communicate my feelings thoughts and experiences using words. Maybe all God wants from me as the recipient of his gifts is to enjoy them and to feel His love for me in my enjoyment.
He gives generously, after anticipating our needs and desires. And what pleases Him most is when we receive his gift, delight in it, and don't get hung up on paying him back, just enjoy. And a thank you thrown in with our whoops of delight brings gladness to His heart.
And I learned so much from my little girl with the pom-poms. Not that she was trying to impress us. No. She was just so unashamed and uninhibited in her joy that she didn't mind if we saw her and if we wanted to laugh with delight or applaud, well that was fine too. Sounds like a good attitude for me to adopt when I decide to post a report from the field of erotic joy.
To quote my friend Eleutheros, "God, I love being Human!"