Girlfriends

Never underestimate the healing power of God manifested in the kind words and loving eyes of a girlfriend. You know who you are, hon. And what you said was the Life of God spoken for me. -SW

So Alive

I feel so alive today!
God is good.
I'm back!
-SW

Talk back radio

Sometimes I hear a song and I find myself "talking back" composing a reply on-the-fly.
This is one of those times.
The song is Love Cocoon by Vigilantes of Love off their Slow Dark Train album. Heard about the song in the book To Become One. (great book, but that's another article)

Honey, I wanna attack your flesh, with glad abandon
I wanna look for your fruits, I wanna put my hands on 'em
I wanna pump your thermostat, beneath your skin
I wanna uncover your swimming hole and dive right in

Attack away darlin!
you'll find my flesh easy to convince
my fruits tremble with delight at the thought of being sought
touch me now!
I can feel my heat rising, sweat trickling
pump away!
my swimming hole our refreshment and delight
drink up baby!

For what we are about to receive may the Lord make us truly thankful

There was an article here that I really liked. It was very raw and vulnerable and I had a hard time posting it because it was about me experiencing an episode of depression when I quit taking the full dose of medication. The article compared taking medication that God has provided so I can be healthy and whole and alive physically and emotionally.....and taking communion as a reminder of the atonement that God has provided for me so I can be spiritually healthy and whole.

If part of the healing God has provided for me is a maintenance dose of antidepressant, I need to be humble and grateful and take it. Who am I to send a plateful of healing back to the master chef asking for a smaller serving?

I went to edit the article to change just a teeny word or two. I wanted to copy and paste it to save it offline. When I shift-clicked to select the whole article, the whole thing dissapeared. And a split second later, blogger autosaved my newly emptied article. Oh the horror!

I could try to re-create the article and I think I will because I think it served as an important reminder that the lovely moments I post about here are not without cost. I don't live in a scot-free pink haze of joy and pleasure. But often, quite often, when I stick with the painful growth process, God surprizes me with joy so lush that I can't help but write about it. I am redeemed. and I can't shut up about it.

But I think it's important to show, even at my own vulnerable expense, that all joy has a cost. My deep hope is that all of you will pay the high cost of growing in your own lives and reap the joy. I want that so bad for all of you I can't tell you how much. Wiping tears as I type, SensuousWife

I've been given so much

I've been given so much.
As I consider my life, I am astounded at the too-much grace of God.
I'm having one of those moments of clarity, y'all so please be my witnesses.
Life is good.
Life is immeasurably good because life is the gift of an immeasurably good God.
I have come to believe that the best way I can write a suitable thank you note to God is to live this life he gave me in such a way that I don't miss a morsel.
My life is filled with immeasurable sweetness.
The curly hair on my husband's head brushing my fingertips as I caress him for the millionth time.
The wind cupping my hair and cheek in a rushing caress as I race my children in a bicycle race.
The calm stately aliveness coursing through my posture as I stand erect arms outstretched chin lifted a smile hugging my face as I sing out my worship.
The pleasure on the faces of my family as I read to them.
The winking twinkle of delight in my brain as I learn something new.
The incomparable comfort of a friend's voice on the phone whether I am giving them my comfort or they are giving me theirs or both as usually happens.
The soul-deep gratitude for the afterglow of lovemaking, cherishing the feeling that for a few minutes every cell in our two bodies are lined up and doing exactly as they should be and that sweet awareness that every star and cell and planet in the world is dancing their known beautiful rhythm.
The sweet understanding that suffering will sometimes happen and that its purpose is to draw me to God, to nudge me into that sweet leaning on the everlasting arms.
The honoring humbling beautiful certainty that every choice I make counts and that I've been endowed with the power to offer beauty to the humans in my world.
Every folded towel
every lovely nourishing meal
every sharp word swallowed instead of spoken
every time my palm wraps around the cheek of someone I love, it matters. They all matter.
Every flower I coax out of the ground
every endless mess I sweep from my floor
every laundered and unshrunk outfit
every guest who feels welcomed and set free to make memories
every customer who is treated fairly and generously
every piece of paper that counted and filed and processed and administrated
every piece of jewelry selected and worn with a smile and a spring in my step
every sorrow I give to God on suffering bended knees or on fists clenched in outrage
it all matters.
Very very much.
Every phone call I do not answer so I can make love to my husband
Every phone call I answer holding the invisible hand of my girlfriend
Every hastily sent "i love u" text message
Every "bye darling" hollered as I walk out the kitchen door
Every "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?"
It all matters.
Very very much.
Every miraculous moment when the heroic grace of God bumps my mind out of the selfdestructive rut it sometimes finds itself
It matters.
And God Almighty is in every single one of these moments.

I talk alot about sex on this blog.
I talk alot about feelings and beauty and love.
Seen by itself, this blog isn't balanced.
Seen up against cnn, msnbc, foxnews and every grisly headline in every newspaper, this blog is my little pebble towards equal time and balance. When pebbles of grace outweigh boulders of despair, you know God has put his hand on the scale.

I love you all.
Thank you for reading.

The Now and the Not Yet

No longer
what we were before
but not all that we will be
tomorrow
when we lock the door
on all our compromising
When he appears
he'll draw us near and we'll be
changed by his glory
wrapped up in his glory

but I'm caught in between
the now and the not yet
and sometimes it feels like
forever and ever
that I've been reaching to be all that I am
but I'm only a few steps nearer
yet I'm nearer

In the Process

I haven't been blogging as often and I wanted to talk a bit about that. When I first started this blog I had this backlog of stuff I wanted to share...feelings, experiences, fun ideas, happy thanks for what God has done. I wanted to encourage other women to enjoy being women, enjoy being wives. Learn from my mistakes, and enjoy the fun stuff I've learned.

But life goes in seasons, ya know? Like planting, working and harvest. and lo and behold my life, our life a season of harvest ended and a season of planting and working began. and I felt awkward on how to blog about that. Because I wanted to have integrity and tell the truth but I also wanted to leave the reader more encouraged then they were before. Some blogs are designed just to vent and rant and get stuff off the blogger's chest and I respect that. But that's not what I wanted the Sensuous Wife blog to be about. But, but, I also thought that it's not encouraging to the readers to think their life as a wife will be a perpetual season of harvest. No planting, no working, just lots of goofing off and great sex. There is a name for that state of being. It's called Heaven. And we're not there yet.

So I decided to go ahead and post when I felt I had experienced something noteworthy, and just label it "the high cost of growing".

There are some blogs whose objective is to brag about their every sexual encounter...to give the readers the juicy details with the sole purpose of arousing both blogger and reader. I don't want to embrace arousal as a sole purpose for this blog either. Although I must say that arousal can be a nice side effect of deliberately living alive to desire and being open to experiencing pleasure through the senses. If something you read here inspires you to take your husband into the bedroom and celebrate, then I say go for it and thank God! And the difference between bragging and celebrating is really just attitude. (and level of detail)

So. A few of my dear friends have encouraged me to consider sharing some of the recent challenging happenings of my life. I hope you will find it encouraging. I hope you will also consider sharing your own encouragement. I don't want to be one of those blogs who just bitch and moan about the annoying things in their day, but from time to time I will let you know about some events in our growing season where we are working but harvest is not here yet but I am hopeful. -SW