The Fuel-Efficient Shagmobile

I can die now. My life is complete. I have just used the word shagmobile in an article title. (cue Austin Powers) Oh beHAVE!!

After all the fun we had talking about the day Delighted Husband and I traded in our big comfy van, I thought I'd post an update or two about the new wheels.


First of all, some of you know how fond I am of long walks and bike rides out in God's Green Earth.
Now, I can transport my bike with ease. More than 1 bike if one of the kids or Delighted Husband wants to come biking with me. This is way cool.





Speaking of shagging. We weren't, but I never let that stop me before. (giggling)
As I said, field testing for the effability of the new SUV has not yet been completed.
Our accessories have just arrived.
Wooo hoo! Oh babysitter, where art thou?

Recreation=Re-Creation (the healing do-over)

Oh! I feel all better today. And I want to tell you why, and how God did it, and how we helped. Because I think knowing this will help a lot of people.

The last week was kind of a blur. All of us at the SW/DH household coasted into the driveway on fumes. Empty tanks--emotionally, physically, you name it. And Delighted Husband and I knew we both had to work Saturday and we were just flatlined about it. Could barely fog a mirror at the thought.

I remember thinking "God help" and I don't even think it was that coherent. But God heard. And God knew exactly what to do. (this is one of my favorite things about Himself) God sent my friends.

One friend sent me an email that said essentially, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm worried about you. You're working too hard. It's fine for you to be excited about this new calling God has invited you to, but you have to honor yourself and your family with the pace in which you do it." Wise man. And Grace of God I did not let my pride get in the way of hearing him. And Grace of God I did not let my pride get in the way of hearing Him. Cause they were singin' a duet. No doubt about it.

Another friend called me to check on me. After a few hiccups and interruptions I finally started to tell him the story of the last few days and the condition I was in because of it. Frazzled. Tired. Excited, but with an increasing sense of fatigue that had started a feeling of lowgrade panic. He listened--patiently, sympathetically--telling me that he and his wife had been praying for us. Then he smiled (I could just hear it through the phone) and said, "You know us guys, we have this tendency, this need, to want to 'fix it'. And even though I've listened sympathetically, and I think you feel supported, I just have this male need to offer a suggestion. Can you humor me?"

Sure!

"What I think you should do, is play. And do something really special. And get the whole family involved. And later, after the kids are in bed, in your own inimitable way, you should love your husband and let him love you."

And folks that's exactly what I did.

I called Delighted Husband and told him I was planning a night of fun and recreation and I wanted to know where he wanted to go out for dinner. A nice dinner. He was a bit surprized by the recommendation. Surprized in a good way. I mean I could tell his brain hadn't even been on the "how can I reward myself tonight" trajectory. Ding! Score one for Friend Dennis.
"Uh, wow, hon. What exactly did you have in mind?"
"Oh, nice dinner. Any place you like. And by any place, I mean you don't have to pick a place that can accomodate my athletic training diet. I'm going off-plan tonight. And I'm not the least bit worried about it. I hardly ate any carbs or calories earlier today anyway, but that's not the point. The point is you can pick the place YOU want to eat, not the place that it is the most likely source for non-breaded lean protein. Easy, baby. What are you hungry for?"
And he named the restaurant.
Done.
"What else do you have in mind?" his voice is a bit lighter now. Hope is growing.
"A movie in the gameroom. Something funny and lighthearted with the kids, and lots of cuddles during and afterward."
"Oh? Great! We should have plenty of Netflix in the mailbox."

Friends, I am delighted to report that--after a delicious dinner of casual yummy decadent food--we snuggled into comfy chairs and comfy couches and watched National Lampoon's Vacation. The classic one. The kids had never seen it and I hadn't seen it since college.

We laughed ourselves to the brink of goofyness and beyond.

There is something so healing and intimate about laughter. Laughing together. And catching the eye of someone you love and watching them get the joke and enjoying their laughter more than you enjoy your own. We did that all night long. Eyes sparkling, kids giggling, guffaws and belly laughs from Delighted Husband and me.

It. was. wonderful.

And at the end, when the the closing credits rolled, and the first line of the song was sung,
We went dannnncin, cross the U. S. AAAAAAAAA, on that craaaazy king's highwaaaaaaaay
I got up out of my recliner and said,
"Kids, it's time to dance."
"Oh no Mom, really. I'm fine. You go ahead and enjoy."
(translation: you go right ahead goofy mother I am waaaay too cool for that)
Before I can form a reply, Delighted Husband says "Mommy's right. Get up and dance."
Groaning and halfhearted shuffling, they dance, as I am twirling and laughing round the room.
Next thing I know, Delighted Husband is laughing and taking them by the hand and leading them in a silly squaredance. I grab two wrists and join in. We make a meandering circle, first one way and then another, with Delighted Husband leading the switch in a sudden haphazard motion designed to keep us too goofy to try and be graceful. I am laughing at full guffaw. So is Delighted Husband. One dear child is still being a pill.
Whiney voice:"Daddy's pulling my wrist. He's going to pull it OFF! Waaah waah gripe gripe"
I keep laughing and hug him close and sing along with the movie, "Well if you were dannnnncin, your wrissssst would not get pullllllllled."
By some small grace, they got it. Dear Child shook and chortled with laughter while still enveloped in my arms. Their shaking shoulders under my hands were one of the sweetest sensations I've ever felt.
We continued our Goofy Squaredance of Love until the song ended and the credits ran out. We were all high from the endorphins of laugh. It was glorious.

Delighted Husband went straight off to bed because he has to get up pre 6am.

Dear Child who finally danced asks me to stay in his room after tuck in "just to keep me company". He's not stalling to defer sleep. I can tell he really means it. I sit down on the Zepplin pillow in the corner of their room, and Dear Child crawls into his bed. I don't remember what we talked about, or if I even said anything at all. We were just happy and warmhearted, quietly breathing the same air in the room.
"I wish I could hold your hand."
"Okay, baby."
Dear Child scrambles out of the covers, wiggles down to the foot of the bed, lays his cheek on one hand and reaches for me with the other. I sit there, just breathing, calmly and silently, and hold his hand. I have to reach, and my delt starts to burn, but I don't care. My Alex P. Keaton too-cool-to-dance son, mumbles, "I love you mom" and falls asleep holding my hand.

Meme Six Random Things

• Link to the person who tagged you.
  Irim over at Out of the Frying Pan and into the Friary tagged me. She's already listed in the right navigation bar under Generous Mentions. What a gal!
  
  
• Post the rules on your blog.
  I hereby post these rules.
  
  
• Write six random things about yourself.

1. Roger Moore was the best James Bond by far.
   
   
2. I really enjoy a well-crafted omelette. The nice hotel $25 per person brunch buffet kind with all manner of extravagant ingredients like tendercrisp steamed asparagus and lumb crabmeat. Nectar of the gods!
   
   
3. I have discovered well into my thirties that I am a dancer...a woman who loves to dance. On the first day of my dance class I felt like I had found my tribe.
   
   
4. I love to laugh and I have a very irreverent, mischievous, bawdy sense of humor.
   
   
5. Peter is my favorite disciple. He's impulsive, mouthy and apt to lob off the bad guy's ear now and ask questions later. Yet, by the time Jesus got done with him, Peter was fearlessly telling everyone about Jesus' power to transform. There's hope for me yet!
   
   
6. Neil Diamond is way hot. So is Bono. It's not the way they look, it's their beautiful dynamic hearts so at home in their bodies. They both give off a visible masculine energy that I respond to by grinning and blushing and focusing my considerable feminine charms on my husband as soon as possible. Neil and Bono are both living proof that sexiness doesn't have to fade with age.
   

• Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs

1. M. Lawrence at Further Up and Further In
2. Cahleen at In His Footsteps
3. Jen at Pretty Modest
4. Jemila at Quirky Grace
5. Eleutheros who doesn't have a blog but has a profile and sure does know how to use it!
6. Alastair at Obscene Beauty
   

• Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment at their blog.

• Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

Savor the Love, Scrap the Joy

I get tremendous joy from making things, the hands-on creative craftyness just thrills my soul. Cooking does this for me, the art of mixing different ingredients and the end result is I have created something of beauty.

I'm creating something of beauty in a different art form lately. Scrapbooking!

Several of my friends sent me emails or notes telling me how special I was to them and just what I meant to them. Of course, anytime something like this happens is a big deal and something to be savored. Well I'm learning how to savor it. How to feel the love longer than the 3 seconds it takes to say "awww! how sweet!" and give your friend a hug.

I do this by scrapbooking.

I take every sweet note my husband or friends give me and use them as raw material for a scrapbook page. That way, I have the card in an accessible form, an easily flipped page in a book instead of a card that will likely get lost in a dusty drawer somewhere.

But.
But.

Even better. By looking at the note, and taking my time to select a page and cutting out the note text and gluing it to a background cardstock in a coordinating color and then selecting all the fun doodads to glue or hammer on, I am soaking in the love, reading their words over and over. Looking at the picture of my friend and I. Savoring the memory.

Did I say hammer?
Yes I did!
Have you ever seen those cool little things?
They have little child-sized hammers that you use to punch a hole in the paper and them pound a cute little colorful metal thumbtack looking thing called an eyelet into the page. I never thought at my age, a thirtysomething wife and mom and wayyy girly-girl that I would enjoy SO MUCH the BAM BAM BAM BAM of using a hammer. Delighted Husband just looks over at me and grins. He can't believe it either.

It's just SO FUN to build stuff!
God, I love being human.

The Pleasure of Surrender

My friend Eleutheros wrote something the other day that just made my jaw drop for the sheer force of the truth he shared. At first, all I could say was "Oh my God. Yes! Yes!"

I've touched on this topic as an aside in other discussions, but I've never seen it put so succinctly before.

Writing to another awakened wife (my friend Gemma) Eleutheros wrote:

[quote]As your awakening progressed, begining with your decision to not refuse sex to your husband, it likely struck something positive in your core to find that you enjoyed submitting yourself to your husband's sexuality. It tickled you inside, didn't it, to find yourself not just enjoying sex wantonly with him but craving it!
And in delivering yourself over to this wantoness, to this craving.....you found the power in your sexuality to pleasure yourself with your husband's love. And I'm sure, when you saw the delight in your husbands positive responses to your wantoness, your beautiful feminine soul felt a deep fullfillment that you never expected to find you were capable of experiencing.[/quote]

This is the beauty of how a husband's and wife's eroticism feed off each other, egging each other on until their passion takes on this beautiful spiral a sexual chambered nautilus of eroticism.

This dynamic of letting go inside and surrendering myself to the passion, letting myself let my hair down and just revel in it, this is high-octane powerful stuff! This can happen alone, in fact the first awakenings of this feeling happened in the sacred interior of my woman heart as I embraced and made friends with my sexuality. Reading books on sexuality, learning how to pleasure myself were important parts of this process. But the heat kicked up to a whole nother level when I started revealing my newly-minted wantonness to my husband. Whoa, baby!

I offered myself and he took me greedily and with fervor. And when he did, I remember the moment I completely let go and let myself get off on his craving, his loving, his wanting, his taking. It was a huge personal risk inside to let myself want him that badly. To let myself want his wanting that badly. Because wanting that badly runs a risk of dissapointment. I had matured enough as a person that I was convinced my sexuality was good and I was okay (David Schnarch calls this holding on tightly to yourself) so as I said it remember the moment I first gave into the craving.
Not tolerance (well okay if you want to
not desire (hey I'd really like it if we..)
not passion (yes! I want to)
but craving (OMG yes! yes! if you stop thrusting within me I will simply die).
It was in that encounter that I had one of my first vaginal orgasms.
Christopher McCluskey calls this Apex Surrender Control to Each Other.
David Schnarch calls this Wall Socket Sex.
I call it fucking.

Body and soul, I literally take pleasure in abandoning myself to my husband's loving.

Like a chambered nautilus, the surrender goes in stages and spirals building a beautiful momentum. In order to surrender to my husband's love, I had to surrender to my self to my own eroticism, and in order to surrender to my self my own eroticism I had to surrender to God. And the joy of fully inhabiting the sexual nature of our covenant makes my husband and I want to worship God which brings us full circle in a beautiful spiral of love.

I have come to believe that some risks are worth taking. I have literally come to this belief through one soul-shaking orgasm after another, my body and heart have learned it is good to want my husband wantonly. Risky? Lordy yes! Letting yourself truly want anything that much is a risk becuase if you are dissapointed you will feel the dissapointment keenly. But there is such a thing as a good risk. And surrendering to the sexuality God placed within me and craving that sexuality, reveling in it with my husband is a real good risk. He is a good man and surrender to his his love for me is a very good risk.

It would show lack of integrity on my part if I didn't reveal that like every other human, I sometimes experience dissapointment. As wonderful as my Delighted Husband is, we are opposite enough to attract and opposite enough to sometimes disagree or misunderstand each other. Lordy, how he can piss me off! Lordy how I can piss him off! When we get our signals crossed and out of synch with each other, it's awful. And we've learned to communicate through those roadblocks, pray, seek wise counsel and get back on track. Every couple goes through temporary disconnects.

But there is another risk that is also costly and that is the risk of never taking a risk. If I die tomorrow, I am deeply grateful that I fully lived. I have fully inhabited the feminine sexual body and feminine sexual heart God gave me and I gratefully consider it a risk worth taking.

Stay Sensuous

A dear friend of mine closed our conversation with those words.
and you know what?
He was absolutely right.

It's so easy to get caught up in the cares of this life and forget to stay sensuous and deliberately remain alive to pleasure.

One of the things that really inspires me to keep the home fires simmering is to read stories from another wife who is enthusiastically enjoying her husband. And just such a wife shared her story and I was inspired. Please allow me to introduce my new friend Gemma. She's wayyy in love with her husband, Gemma's Ravisher, and she's not ashamed to talk about it. I admire her candor and her passion for her husband and her God. Now, dearies, if frank sexy talk offends you, then perhaps Gemma's not your cup of tea. The rest of you, enjoy! I think Gemma poses an excellent question, "Why do spouses allow the busyness of life to take priority over their sex lives? Would someone please give me a good reason "why"??? What could be more important than tending to our passion for each other?"
Last night Delighted Husband and did a little something about that. Okay a big something. Okay, a shagfest. He was a little surprized at my fervor since it had only been a few days but for me a few days with nary a sexual thought or twinge of desire is an ETERNITY. But we're all back on track. I squirm just remembering. (ooooh)

God is good. Giving me the little nudge in the right direction. He knows what I need better than I do. And what I needed was several doses of Delighted Husband Love.

Widen my World

Today was my ideal mailbox experience. Nothing in my mailbox except netflix DVDs and Christmas cards! No bills. I did a little whoop of joy right there standing in front of the mailbox.

Once I got inside the house, I sat down on the couch and absorbed the Christmas cards like sweet sweet wine. Several people are sending pictures this year. It's getting cheaper and easier to do picture cards and I love seeing my friends!

One card from a girlfriend who moved last winter. When I saw the picture of her and her husband and their two little daughters, I cried for joy. The girls are captivating and it was good to see them growing but the thing that delighted me the most was the serene calm confident look on my friend's face. The year before had been difficult for her and it was glorious to see her face because I could tell by her demeanor that she had hit her stride. I knew from the few letters we had exchanged that during the past year, her baby had become a toddler, her toddler had become a preschooler, and her broke medical school fellow husband had become a well paid and celebrated new partner. My dear girlfriend is no longer a broke stressed out mom with a new baby and a toddler. In that moment, I could see all our prayers for her family from the last 3 years had been answered. Life is not perfect for her (or anyone else for that matter) but God honored her years of sacrifice by giving her financial and parenting relief and I rejoiced for her.

One card from some friends we met this year. These friends enjoy words as much as I do, so the greeting they penned on the inside of the card was heartwarming and made me smile through tears. The artwork on the card was breathtaking.

Another card from friends who sent us a fruit basket. Which is so sweet and old-fashioned and nobody does that kind of thing anymore. But she's classy like that. This aint the fruitbaskets from raffles either! These were gourmet pears from Oregon nested in individual foam containers to keep them from bruising. Other goodies like pecans and chocolate-covered cherries made this box a real hit with our family. The sweetest treat was the letter which basically said "We know we don't talk very often but we love you very very much."

Y'all I sat on my sofa and cried. I realized there are so many people that love me...who I also love and I had little to no time to talk to them this year. I'm so grateful for my friends and I want to make more time for them in the new year.

I realized my world is too small. Work>Home>MamaCircuit>HubbyTime with a weekly spiritual pit stop to refuel at Church and an hour of GirlfriendTime.

Nothing wrong with any of those. But my world is too small. Next year my world promises to expand. Some delightful stuff is going to be added to my dance card next year, recurring events including a Girlfriends Scrapbooking Club and a Ladies Worship Dance Guild. I am SO looking forward to widening my world a bit. Pondering how I can better stay in touch with some of these out of town friends AND adding some local FUN stuff, thank God. Cause work will eat my lunch if I let it.

Do you see any opportunities to widen your world in 2008?
What kind of nourishing intentional community can you add to your dance card next year?
Treat yourself.
Once you get our there and engage, your heart will be a blessing to others.
Love,
SW

I've been given so much

I've been given so much.
As I consider my life, I am astounded at the too-much grace of God.
I'm having one of those moments of clarity, y'all so please be my witnesses.
Life is good.
Life is immeasurably good because life is the gift of an immeasurably good God.
I have come to believe that the best way I can write a suitable thank you note to God is to live this life he gave me in such a way that I don't miss a morsel.
My life is filled with immeasurable sweetness.
The curly hair on my husband's head brushing my fingertips as I caress him for the millionth time.
The wind cupping my hair and cheek in a rushing caress as I race my children in a bicycle race.
The calm stately aliveness coursing through my posture as I stand erect arms outstretched chin lifted a smile hugging my face as I sing out my worship.
The pleasure on the faces of my family as I read to them.
The winking twinkle of delight in my brain as I learn something new.
The incomparable comfort of a friend's voice on the phone whether I am giving them my comfort or they are giving me theirs or both as usually happens.
The soul-deep gratitude for the afterglow of lovemaking, cherishing the feeling that for a few minutes every cell in our two bodies are lined up and doing exactly as they should be and that sweet awareness that every star and cell and planet in the world is dancing their known beautiful rhythm.
The sweet understanding that suffering will sometimes happen and that its purpose is to draw me to God, to nudge me into that sweet leaning on the everlasting arms.
The honoring humbling beautiful certainty that every choice I make counts and that I've been endowed with the power to offer beauty to the humans in my world.
Every folded towel
every lovely nourishing meal
every sharp word swallowed instead of spoken
every time my palm wraps around the cheek of someone I love, it matters. They all matter.
Every flower I coax out of the ground
every endless mess I sweep from my floor
every laundered and unshrunk outfit
every guest who feels welcomed and set free to make memories
every customer who is treated fairly and generously
every piece of paper that counted and filed and processed and administrated
every piece of jewelry selected and worn with a smile and a spring in my step
every sorrow I give to God on suffering bended knees or on fists clenched in outrage
it all matters.
Very very much.
Every phone call I do not answer so I can make love to my husband
Every phone call I answer holding the invisible hand of my girlfriend
Every hastily sent "i love u" text message
Every "bye darling" hollered as I walk out the kitchen door
Every "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?"
It all matters.
Very very much.
Every miraculous moment when the heroic grace of God bumps my mind out of the selfdestructive rut it sometimes finds itself
It matters.
And God Almighty is in every single one of these moments.

I talk alot about sex on this blog.
I talk alot about feelings and beauty and love.
Seen by itself, this blog isn't balanced.
Seen up against cnn, msnbc, foxnews and every grisly headline in every newspaper, this blog is my little pebble towards equal time and balance. When pebbles of grace outweigh boulders of despair, you know God has put his hand on the scale.

I love you all.
Thank you for reading.

I didn't think it could get any better

I was wrong.

"He's [God is] a hedonist at heart. All those fasts and vigils and stakes and crosses are only a facade. Or only like foam on the sea shore. Out at sea, out in His sea, there is pleasure, and more pleasure. He makes no secret of it: at His right hand are “pleasures for evermore”. Ugh! …He’s vulgar, Wormwood. He has a bourgeois mind. He has filled His world full of pleasures. There are things for humans to do all day long without His minding in the least—sleeping, washing, eating, drinking, making love, playing, praying, working. Everything has to be twisted before it’s any use to us. We fight under cruel disadvantages. Nothing is naturally on our side."
—C.S. Lewis "The Screwtape Letters" in Chapter XXII, spoken by Screwtape (the Devil)