Text Message Sex

One of my favorite things about our marriage is how we get the giggles over the everyday things in life. Delighted Husband and I were out and about running errands when I received a text message from one of my best girlfriends. I started to type out a reply and then decided what the heck I'd just call her. When I called her I got voicemail. I was so puzzled by this. I mentioned this to Delighted Husband and he wondered out loud, "I bet they're having sex and that's why she couldn't answer the phone when you called." I giggled and said something like "well good for her". Delighted Husband said "I wonder what the text message would sound like if she actually DID send you a text message while having sex with her husband?" By this point we were fullon laughing. We imagined the text message would look something like this: iiiiii ccant taaaaaalkkkkk nnnnowwww OMG OMG OMG

The Fuel-Efficient Shagmobile

I can die now. My life is complete. I have just used the word shagmobile in an article title. (cue Austin Powers) Oh beHAVE!!

After all the fun we had talking about the day Delighted Husband and I traded in our big comfy van, I thought I'd post an update or two about the new wheels.


First of all, some of you know how fond I am of long walks and bike rides out in God's Green Earth.
Now, I can transport my bike with ease. More than 1 bike if one of the kids or Delighted Husband wants to come biking with me. This is way cool.





Speaking of shagging. We weren't, but I never let that stop me before. (giggling)
As I said, field testing for the effability of the new SUV has not yet been completed.
Our accessories have just arrived.
Wooo hoo! Oh babysitter, where art thou?

Recreation=Re-Creation (the healing do-over)

Oh! I feel all better today. And I want to tell you why, and how God did it, and how we helped. Because I think knowing this will help a lot of people.

The last week was kind of a blur. All of us at the SW/DH household coasted into the driveway on fumes. Empty tanks--emotionally, physically, you name it. And Delighted Husband and I knew we both had to work Saturday and we were just flatlined about it. Could barely fog a mirror at the thought.

I remember thinking "God help" and I don't even think it was that coherent. But God heard. And God knew exactly what to do. (this is one of my favorite things about Himself) God sent my friends.

One friend sent me an email that said essentially, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm worried about you. You're working too hard. It's fine for you to be excited about this new calling God has invited you to, but you have to honor yourself and your family with the pace in which you do it." Wise man. And Grace of God I did not let my pride get in the way of hearing him. And Grace of God I did not let my pride get in the way of hearing Him. Cause they were singin' a duet. No doubt about it.

Another friend called me to check on me. After a few hiccups and interruptions I finally started to tell him the story of the last few days and the condition I was in because of it. Frazzled. Tired. Excited, but with an increasing sense of fatigue that had started a feeling of lowgrade panic. He listened--patiently, sympathetically--telling me that he and his wife had been praying for us. Then he smiled (I could just hear it through the phone) and said, "You know us guys, we have this tendency, this need, to want to 'fix it'. And even though I've listened sympathetically, and I think you feel supported, I just have this male need to offer a suggestion. Can you humor me?"

Sure!

"What I think you should do, is play. And do something really special. And get the whole family involved. And later, after the kids are in bed, in your own inimitable way, you should love your husband and let him love you."

And folks that's exactly what I did.

I called Delighted Husband and told him I was planning a night of fun and recreation and I wanted to know where he wanted to go out for dinner. A nice dinner. He was a bit surprized by the recommendation. Surprized in a good way. I mean I could tell his brain hadn't even been on the "how can I reward myself tonight" trajectory. Ding! Score one for Friend Dennis.
"Uh, wow, hon. What exactly did you have in mind?"
"Oh, nice dinner. Any place you like. And by any place, I mean you don't have to pick a place that can accomodate my athletic training diet. I'm going off-plan tonight. And I'm not the least bit worried about it. I hardly ate any carbs or calories earlier today anyway, but that's not the point. The point is you can pick the place YOU want to eat, not the place that it is the most likely source for non-breaded lean protein. Easy, baby. What are you hungry for?"
And he named the restaurant.
Done.
"What else do you have in mind?" his voice is a bit lighter now. Hope is growing.
"A movie in the gameroom. Something funny and lighthearted with the kids, and lots of cuddles during and afterward."
"Oh? Great! We should have plenty of Netflix in the mailbox."

Friends, I am delighted to report that--after a delicious dinner of casual yummy decadent food--we snuggled into comfy chairs and comfy couches and watched National Lampoon's Vacation. The classic one. The kids had never seen it and I hadn't seen it since college.

We laughed ourselves to the brink of goofyness and beyond.

There is something so healing and intimate about laughter. Laughing together. And catching the eye of someone you love and watching them get the joke and enjoying their laughter more than you enjoy your own. We did that all night long. Eyes sparkling, kids giggling, guffaws and belly laughs from Delighted Husband and me.

It. was. wonderful.

And at the end, when the the closing credits rolled, and the first line of the song was sung,
We went dannnncin, cross the U. S. AAAAAAAAA, on that craaaazy king's highwaaaaaaaay
I got up out of my recliner and said,
"Kids, it's time to dance."
"Oh no Mom, really. I'm fine. You go ahead and enjoy."
(translation: you go right ahead goofy mother I am waaaay too cool for that)
Before I can form a reply, Delighted Husband says "Mommy's right. Get up and dance."
Groaning and halfhearted shuffling, they dance, as I am twirling and laughing round the room.
Next thing I know, Delighted Husband is laughing and taking them by the hand and leading them in a silly squaredance. I grab two wrists and join in. We make a meandering circle, first one way and then another, with Delighted Husband leading the switch in a sudden haphazard motion designed to keep us too goofy to try and be graceful. I am laughing at full guffaw. So is Delighted Husband. One dear child is still being a pill.
Whiney voice:"Daddy's pulling my wrist. He's going to pull it OFF! Waaah waah gripe gripe"
I keep laughing and hug him close and sing along with the movie, "Well if you were dannnnncin, your wrissssst would not get pullllllllled."
By some small grace, they got it. Dear Child shook and chortled with laughter while still enveloped in my arms. Their shaking shoulders under my hands were one of the sweetest sensations I've ever felt.
We continued our Goofy Squaredance of Love until the song ended and the credits ran out. We were all high from the endorphins of laugh. It was glorious.

Delighted Husband went straight off to bed because he has to get up pre 6am.

Dear Child who finally danced asks me to stay in his room after tuck in "just to keep me company". He's not stalling to defer sleep. I can tell he really means it. I sit down on the Zepplin pillow in the corner of their room, and Dear Child crawls into his bed. I don't remember what we talked about, or if I even said anything at all. We were just happy and warmhearted, quietly breathing the same air in the room.
"I wish I could hold your hand."
"Okay, baby."
Dear Child scrambles out of the covers, wiggles down to the foot of the bed, lays his cheek on one hand and reaches for me with the other. I sit there, just breathing, calmly and silently, and hold his hand. I have to reach, and my delt starts to burn, but I don't care. My Alex P. Keaton too-cool-to-dance son, mumbles, "I love you mom" and falls asleep holding my hand.

Desire Purpose and Direction all Come Together

When was a teenager at youth missions training camp, one of the speakers said the following:
Someday, soon, all your desire, purpose and direction will all come together.
—Jim Graaf 1987

That was 21 years ago and I remember it—every word.
and here we are.
Those words seem especially, beautifully true today.

My doctor—a lovely brilliant psychiatrist who has taken care of me for ten years—told me this week that I'm the poster child for recovery from abuse and depression. Her comment surprised me as I was just in for a routine med check I didn't expect to talk about the last ten years, just the last 6 months. But she said it and after a brief flash of shyness I smiled, because I knew it was true.

Then she asks me if I'm writing a book to tell my story because I should.
I tell her yes I am and that I have also been writing a blog for over a year. She smiles and says 'creating a high quality blog takes a lot of work and creative energy' and 'you've worked really hard for this. you should be really proud of yourself'.

I paused and took a deep breath and looked in her kind intelligent eyes and said "Healing is its own reward. But I do receive your affirmation."

We part with smiles on both our faces.

I beam silently all the way to the car. Pausing briefly to stand in the office building lobby and remember all the times I have walked past this lobby to her office. Twenty times at least, ten years with every 6 month med checks and a few extra if I was having a bad episode. I think of the meds I no longer take because I no longer need them. I think about the maintenance meds I do take and how gratefully even keel I am now. How good my normal is. And I start for a split second to tear up with sentiment then I say 'no, this is all about celebration' and I stand there silent and hug myself inside and tell the woman inside of me how proud I am of her. I hear Himself whispering love in my thoughts"Baby girl I am so very very very very very very proud of you." I think of all the times I wanted to give up and didn't. And I smile with joy that can find no words.

I want to jump and cheer like my team just won the Superbowl, but there is a solemn feeling that keeps me from doing so. I think of all the horror and grief I waded through to get to this point and solemn joy seems the appropriate response.

I start to call some of my dearest friends to share the moment, but I close the phone and wait. I have such a profound sense of this being a moment just me and God. I walk to the car and then decide it's time to call Delighted Husband. He's been with me for many years of my journey. Our conversation is brief and affectionate. His pager goes off midsentence and we part with quick iloveyou's.

I have the feeling that something momentous has happened and I feel the urge to do like they did in the Old Testament and build an altar. Pile up some stones and scratch out a plaque that says, "Here God did something for me." Something tangible. So I ask Himself what do I do seeing as how piling up boulders really isn't an option for me. He says, "let's go shopping." So Himself takes me shopping at Target looking for something special to remember this day. "You'll know it when you see it" he says. I go straight to the lingerie department—my natural habitat—but nothing feels particularly "it". I feel led walk over to the athletic section of the store and I pick out 4 adorable colorful jogbras and a matching running skort. A size I couldn't fit 6 months ago.

And I remember for a split second how remarkable it is that celebration and rewarding myself does not automatically equal food. And I grin at this private joke and say to Himself in a teasing tone of voice, "Show off!!" because he really has shown off his power in me.

G-spot Giggles

Something happened in an interesting discussion today that gave me the giggles. A husband on TMB was lamenting the fact that he cannot seem to find his wife's g-spot. I was trying to convey the information without being too graphic, so I told him, "For many women the gspot isn't tangible until she has at least 1 clitoral O. Like a diva who doesn't show up till the second act. " Well, I think I got my point across without being too sexually graphic.

I'm a very visual person and I like Opera, so I imagined an opera stage and a gorgeous red dress diva waiting in the wings. The leading man sings to her "Come out and play, Lady G" and she shakes her head emphatically, tosses her hair and says, "I am the diva. I will not sing until the chorus has sung. I am no opening act, I am the headliner!"

(commence fit of giggles)

If the Van is Rockin'

We sold our van today. Traded in our plush comfy conversion van for an fuel-efficient 4 cylinder SUV. What we were paying in gasoline every month was enough for a car payment. No lie. So we traded it in. The guys at the dealership appraised our van right away, and then we went out on test drives. When the sales manager came back from inspecting the van and gave us a good offer, he smiled and said, "We see you really enjoyed your van." "Oh yes", we said, "it's so comfortable. We took it on several road trips" We didn't really think anything of their comment. We quickly told him about a vacation road trip story, and then got back to the business of car shopping.

After a long day and many test drives, we made a deal, signed the paperwork and went out to the van to move our stuff from the van to the new SUV.

I was taking some maps and magazines out of the 2nd row seat back pockets when something pink caught my eye. I looked down on the floor between the 3rd row sofabed and the 2nd row captains chair and saw.....my favorite pair of panties! The lacy little panties had been peeled off in the heat of the moment on a date night that went very very well. I'd been wondering where those panties were! I sat down on the sofa and laughed and laughed and laughed. I showed them to Delighted Husband and said, "No WONDER the sales manager said We see you really enjoyed your van"! ;)

I want him

I had a really good week. And the only thing different about this good week and last week terrible week was I scheduled a little time for myself each day, doing nice things for myself. I met one of my girlfriends for lunch. More than once this week! I took myself in for some scheduled maintenance at the salon. I took myself to the gym to sweat out my frustration over various vendor-created headaches. I'm telling you, this exercise-as-stress-relief thing REALLY works!

All the daily irritations of life still happened, but they didn't dominate my thinking or tank my attitude. All because I made time for taking care of myself.

And as a result, I'm entering this weekend, happy and horny instead of tired and grouchy.

In fact, I can't wait to get my hands on my man!
(grin) The weather round here is happy and horny!
(grin) (wave)
I'm putting nice clean sheets on the bed knowing full well I'll need to switch them again on Monday.
I don't mind at all.
;)

Face to Face With Extraordinary Women

Ooooh! How do I describe the energy to be found in the company of women? Time set aside just to gab face to face. Time to play, which for us girls can be doing craft-y things like scrapbooking or cardmaking, or can be telling stories and just generally goofing off.

I met the most incredible women tonight. I don't know that they would call themselves incredible, but seen through my eyes, they are. I went to a scrapbooking party tonight. One of the women at my table was a twinkly-eyed grandma sporting a cute hat. When I told her I thought her hat was cute, she grinned and shrugged off the complement saying "oh this is just to cover up my motorcycle helmet hair".
What???
Yep. You heard that right.
This amazing grandma and her man rode several hundred miles today. Having a real Wild at Heart moment apparently! and here she was sitting with us tonight, trimming pictures and selecting background pages and complementary stickers. After riding several hundred miles on a motorcycle. Today. Whoa! What a woman!

Another woman I met tonight was a soft plush girly-girl with a timeless Celtic face straight out of a book or movie. She brought fiftysomething different stamps three colors of inkpads and made these exquisite cards! And for part of the evening, she nursed her adorable baby while conversing with us, never breaking her stride. This woman created beauty and made it look effortless. and she did so while nurturing life and teaching me how to do stamping. While making funny charming conversation with the women at our table. Whoa! What a woman!

We women are an extraordinary tribe. We really are.

Thankful for Laughter

After driving and driving, Delighted Husband, Dear Children and I had the most fun Thanksgiving Day we've ever had. What really defined this year's Thanksgiving was laughter. Everyone in the extended family seemed really to give in to the laughter. We goofed off and giggled and joked and teased and carried on until one of the Dear Grandmas shushed us collectively as our guffaws were in danger of waking one of the Dear Grandbabies. So we bit our lips and giggled and chortled in a muffled tone.

Sure there was the Obligatory Family Member With Their Knickers in a Twist, but we didn't let 'em stop the rest of us from having a good time. In fact, OFMWTKINAT disappeared some time between dinner and dessert. I'm not sure if they snuck off to one of the guestrooms to take a nap or what. But the marvelous thing was no one engaged in vocal disagreement with OFMWTKINAT, we just let him do his thing and we did ours. Love that!

The food was really stellar.
Each of the ladies prepared their specialty and wow was it good. And speaking of food, let me tell you a really kewl side effect of having dealt with my food issues this year. Thanks to the principles of OA, all the food I eat is no longer seasoned with guilt. If I'm eating sober, I'm eating guilt-free. Period. I didn't realize this was my first guilt-free Thanksgiving until one of my extended family members lifted a forkful of turkey and dressing and said to me, "oh this is sinful!". They were complementing the food and beating themselves up at the same time. And that's when it hit me. I don't do that anymore. This is my first guilt-free Thanksgiving Feast. And my eyes got shiny with tears of gratitude as I stood there in the Dear Grandma's kitchen. -SW

The Year of Discipleship

A long time ago, I was given this little plastic business card holder with a bunch of business card sized nice little 'thought for the day' cards. I think they were something about new years resolutions. The cards I threw out years ago. But I kept the business card holder. It was shiny clear lucite and it said The Year of Discipleship in pretty red script.

This Valentine's day, I made love coupons for my honey. I used a business card wizard from a software on my computer to make them all pretty with sensuous text and my pictures with color printing from my computer. So when I was looking for an attractive way to package my love coupons, I remembered that business card holder. Just the right size for my coupons! ;)

I think God smiled, okay laughed for the pure hilarity of this when I gave my husband this darling little package of love coupon cards offering him such earthy delights as "25 kisses not on the mouth", "outdoor adventure", "warm oil massage" or "sexy striptease" all being held in a case that said "The Year of Discipleship". After all, isn't discipleship putting the Bible into action in your life? So we've got a little Song of Solomon discipleship going on at our house. Hubby says "Amen!" -SW