tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433750302606470563.post1550514554892023345..comments2023-05-01T09:24:25.500-05:00Comments on Sensuous Wife: The Pleasure of SurrenderSensuous Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01684099151087715262noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433750302606470563.post-55752467490135218112011-11-12T20:58:05.333-06:002011-11-12T20:58:05.333-06:00Welcome Anonymous. I'm sorry you're having...Welcome Anonymous. I'm sorry you're having to go through that! I invite you to take a look at Offering Each Other Connection and Relief When She Has Chronic Pain.<br /><br />http://www.sensuouswife.com/blog/?p=565Sensuous Wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01684099151087715262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433750302606470563.post-20811439033358584432011-10-28T16:16:06.801-05:002011-10-28T16:16:06.801-05:00To all those older virgins out there waiting for t...To all those older virgins out there waiting for the day:<br /><br /> I am here to hopfully warn you to be checked out by a GYN years before marriage. I didn't think it was necessary b/c I didn't believe in Pap smears due to not having any intercourse ever. So,I stayed ignorant mainly b/c I did not have a Mother who was open to discuss these things. I am close to 60 now and just married for the first time this yr. Due to no activity (I guess)or aging, I have Vaginimus(vagina opening too small for the penis) and have used dialators to open me up for intercourse. Then after that was achieved, right away I got a bad and painful yeast infection. With no health ins. and no success with over the counter meds, I am now going to spend alot of money for a Dr.to get a clean bill of health b/f any vaginal sex. My faith tells me that b/c God designed it then I will have the sex life you all talk about. Right now, my husband is beginning to get down and says that I do not seem to want to pleasure him and that I seem to be the only one getting any pleasure from out intimate times. I say to him,"tell me how..I am new to all this remember"? I think he needs to communicate how. I wanted to know if anyone out there would comment on how to pleasure a husband that b/c of medical reasons we are not having intercourse. Thanks, AnonymousAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433750302606470563.post-43006695960270220332008-11-16T06:14:00.000-06:002008-11-16T06:14:00.000-06:00Dear Anonymous,Sweetheart, there is no way for me ...Dear Anonymous,<BR/>Sweetheart, there is no way for me to know exactly what your first time will be like. I wish for you with all of my heart that it is a passionate beautiful orgasmic soul-affirming experience.<BR/><BR/>In answer to your question, why do married women often find it so hard to enter into and enjoy married sex when unmarried teenage girls often cannot and do not contain themselves?<BR/><BR/>Well the first thing that comes to mind as a reason is married women have such a hard time letting themselves go and abandoning themselves to marital pleasures is that when they were teenage girls they could not and did not contain themselves. The mind is a harsh judge, and the mind/body connection is strong. So often even after a woman believes God forgives her for sex that was too soon, she has a very difficult time forgiving herself and this judge in her head keeps the party in her loins from throwing all the confetti they rightfully deserve while partying with her husband. <BR/><BR/>Shannon Ethridge made a beautiful illustration of this dynamic when she was on Good Morning America. She said so many women internalize the message that bad girls do and nice girls don't. So they get off on bad girl sex. When they put that wedding ring on their finger, it may take much longer than the 5 seconds to put the wedding ring on their finger to convince their mind and heart and body that good girls do, they do it often and they do it with great pleasure that uninhibited pleasure gives them a strong bond with their husband. That's the core message of my novels, that sex doesn't have to be bad to be good. Good sex can be verrrry verrrry good. ;)<BR/><BR/>Another factor, another potential obstacle to a married woman truly entering into sweet erotic abandon with her husband is messages of shame soaked into her body by other people in her life who treated her body with disrespect or outright abuse. I've been very upfront in my story (see My Story in sidebar) and in the first year of my blog that "my first sexual experience, hell, my first era of sexual experiences, were coerced, and of a very abusive nature". These wounds left shrapnel in my heart and in my mind and through the strong mind/body connection, even in my body. For a long time, places that my abusers touched me would sound off horrid memories of shame and disgust every time that part of my body was touched again. Even when touched by my loving husband. The body/mind connection is strong. And God designed our skin to have a direct hotline to our memory. With the intended purpose to be that we are strongly bonded to our husband by the myriad of pleasurable loving safe passionate GOOD feelings we experience every time that part of our body is touched. The icky sad difficult but not impossible thing is when that part of our body is touched by an abuser and the skin/bonding/memory system built into our heart and body is activated, what we body memory bond to is bad sex, bad feelings and an unhealthy person who had NO business doing what they just did to us. The body has to unlearn. The heart has to unlearn. The mind has to unlearn. But God's healing power is strong. His desire to heal us is unflagging. So we go to safe people, receive love and prayer and therapy and we unlearn the bad stuff and learn the good stuff. It takes time.<BR/><BR/>So dear one, I had a lot of bad stuff to unlearn. Of course, the wish from my deep heart for you and for every other woman is that you don't have such horrid messages to unlearn. That you can entrust your self to the care of God and entrust your body and heart to the loving tender erotic care of your husband, unleash your feminine force on him and together have the time of your lives! That's the idea, darling!<BR/><BR/>(big smile)SW<BR/><BR/>One more thing, as a 30 year old single lady you are most welcome here. My welcome message asks that those under 18 invite their mom to come enjoy my blog or come back when they are older. Hot married sex is worth waiting for, trust me! You are over 18 and desiring healthy sex. So darlin' you are welcome to hang out here and read. I'd love to be a part of your journey toward healthy hot sex with your husband. I'd be honored!Sensuous Wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01684099151087715262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433750302606470563.post-16531185954678932222008-11-16T04:06:00.000-06:002008-11-16T04:06:00.000-06:00I'm unmarried and still a virgin (in my 30's), so ...I'm unmarried and still a virgin (in my 30's), so perhaps I shouldn't be reading this on some puritanical level, but, well, I did.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, maybe I'll understand more fully when my desires and imaginations give way to actual reality one day if God should give me a husband - in other words, I have to admit that any reaction I have to your writings is definitely not backed up by experience. But I just hafta wonder -<BR/><BR/>Why is it that marital sex is so often painted as a difficult thing for women to enter into or enjoy? Unmarried teenager girls often cannot contain desire and the sexual opportunities presented to them, and have sex often enough - they don't go dragging their feet to their teenage lovers' sexual advances. Why is it that christian married women so often present sex as something that takes so much work for them to want or to truly enjoy? <BR/><BR/>I am so eager for the day when a man might take me completely and utterly in love for one another before the Lord. Is it really so hard in actuality? Will I really have to work on it so much or won't it just be able to be something that we rush into with joy and longing naturally, easily, with innocence and overwhelming desire and excitement?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433750302606470563.post-83418461943932360372008-03-28T10:29:00.000-05:002008-03-28T10:29:00.000-05:00I think a key to what you've described as the 'bea...I think a key to what you've described as the 'beautiful spiral' of erotic love is the 'letting go' and 'surrender' you define at the heart of your intent and actions.<BR/>Alexander Lowen, in the work, 'Love and Orgasm' wrote: "good sex is entirely an act of giving of self. Satisfaction results from the full and free surrender to your partner in the passion and wonder of this event. Without such a surrender, genuine sexual satisfaction cannot be achieved. In other words, only when love-making is from the whole - when the heart is joined entirely to our sexual actions - is it possible to know a truly deep and satisfying sexual orgasm within sexual love. If sexual happiness is relatively rare in our day, it is because individuals have essentially lost the ability to give themselves this fully to one another".<BR/><BR/>This, of course, so marries with Christ's words about truly finding life - essentially 'loosing' ourselves to gain something far more profound. Once again, then, we find a pearl of genuine spirituality not detached from the physical and the sensual, but prized from it's richest expression.<BR/><BR/>Howard.Howardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13707181627588121525noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433750302606470563.post-83725037377703524182008-03-25T13:15:00.000-05:002008-03-25T13:15:00.000-05:00Sensuous Wife said, "It was a huge personal risk i...Sensuous Wife said, "It was a huge personal risk inside to let myself want him that badly. To let myself want his wanting that badly. Because wanting that badly runs a risk of dissapointment."<BR/><BR/>And I say YES to this! I believe it's something that many couples never come to realize, and why so many marriages end in divorce. I've seen men and women give 80% of themselves to their spouses, and then wonder where the magic went? Giving yourself 100% fully to another human being is so very hard, but so very worth it. In a way, it's similar to the difficulty many people have letting go and letting Jesus be the Lord of their life.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for the powerful reminder SW and Eleutheros!Bijouxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05788630004051883635noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433750302606470563.post-11113207561020043622008-03-25T08:08:00.000-05:002008-03-25T08:08:00.000-05:00SW, like you, embracing my sexuality initially hap...SW, like you, embracing my sexuality initially happened to me while I was alone only with one difference--- In my case, I was becoming "REacquainted" with my long lost friend whom I hadn't seen in over 25 years.<BR/><BR/>Regarding your "If I die tomorrow" comment... GR is slightly more than 5 years older than I. Not that that means he will die first but before my awakening, I remember receiving thoughts that went like this: What if GR were to die tomorrow. Would I have any regrets over the way we are relating to each other? Would I go on not only grieving the loss of him but also grieving what never was and what should have been? Or what if I died first. Would he be forced to grieve over what never was and should have been? Oh, how that thought pierced through to the inner core of my soul!<BR/><BR/>~Gemma<BR/>passionwithinmarriage.blogspot.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433750302606470563.post-26640892419525137362008-03-24T22:46:00.000-05:002008-03-24T22:46:00.000-05:00Wow. Did I sat all that?!?Well, SW, I certianly ca...Wow. Did <I>I</I> sat all that?!?<BR/><BR/>Well, SW, I certianly can't deny, nor will I confirm, saying what was said for all that I didn't say, but was read into what I said and might have said, if I hadn't of said, at all, what I said. Nor am I not admitting to not saying what you read in what I said- for what you read that I said; for it's obvious that from what you read and from what you read I said that you read what I said and get it.<BR/><BR/>Sorry... been listening to to much political news lately...<BR/><BR/>Actually, dear sister, you said what I said a lot better than I did- You said it <I>from your beautiful woman's heart</I>, the place where what I said is more than a simple observation of the power in being a woman plugged into her sexuality, but a reality.<BR/><BR/>You <I>define</I> feminine sexuality with your heart!<BR/><BR/>Isn't it great to be human!<BR/><BR/>ElyewEleutheroshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09912981510779549574noreply@blogger.com